Monday, August 16, 2010

Husband wants a divorce, how to cope with the heartbreak?

My husband just told me yesterday that he wants a divorce, the day after our 8th wedding anniversary and we have been together for 13 years/ I feel broken and I dont know if I have the strength to get through this. I also have a daughter who he has been dad to since she was 4 and we have a 9 year old son. I am going crazy,we are still living in the same house and its killing me. Please be kind.Husband wants a divorce, how to cope with the heartbreak?
I feel for you honey---I am going thru the same thing--mine told me 3 days before our 11yr anniversary. I know all about the emotions your going thru and there are many more to come but just remember he does not define you or make you the person you are on the inside. I have two children that I look for strength from and know no matter how bad I want to bury my head in the sand and wait for the pain to go away I can't do that---my children need me now more than ever---they need to understand unconditional love and that you wont walk away from them when the times get tough. My best advice to you is to wake up everyday with a new purpose---whether it is to rearrange a room in your house or go visit a new place---just make sure you have something planned that does not involve him. You were a person before you met him and you are still a person after he is gone so go out and find that person again--I know how hard that is but it is for the best--not only for you but your kids too. Look to your friends and family for emotional support---have someone you can vent to whenever you want and know they will listen to you for however long it takes to feel better. I am thankful for my friends everyday and know I can call them at anytime I need to talk. I know right now everything looks bleak but it will get better---the pain you feel right now will pass and you will have a better outlook on life. I have been thru so many different phases of grief over this that I feel like I am on a roller coaster but it is getting better everyday---my kids and I are looking for a new house and spending some good quality time together making plans for our new life that will difinately be an adventure. I have wrote alot already and I am sorry but I have alot to say about this---but I will leave you with this---go out and buy the CD--The whole She-Bang by SheDaisy---you dont even have to like country music to get the reasoning behind the songs---every song on the album relates to a breakup and the emotions you go thru---it has been a life saver for me and I listen to it alot depending on my mood---well worth the money!!!!! Good luck to you and keep your head up--it WILL get better I promise. If you want to chat some more I think my email is with this response.Husband wants a divorce, how to cope with the heartbreak?
see http://www.howtodealwithabreakup.com
well 13 years is a long time and it will be hard no matter what you do.but i think that u and your kids should go on a little vacation. try to realax with your kids.and get used to it just being you and your kids as a family.
I totally know what you are going thru-been there. I found on line chat rooms a huge support, especially in those sleepless moments. I also joined two support groups for people going through divorce, one was all women the other mixed. One faith based the other not at all. Both provided great support as well. I had a couple of great friends to lean on and that's about it. I also had the ugliest divorce known to man so I can only hope that you are both able to be adults and get through it with as little anger, hatred, revenge, etc. as possible-especially with children involved.


As much as a shock as it was and devastating beyond words, two years later and I am sooo happy it happened. I am with a really wonderful man and have a new baby girl I'm crazy about. I'm still dealing with some anger iissues and trying to get used to being poor sucks but otherwise, I'm honestly very happy. You will get through it, trust me.
I am so sorry hon, hopefully you had some idea this was coming. You will be in pain for awhile, there's nothing to stop it -- but you can ease it by staying busy and concentrating on what does make you happy -- you need to be there for your kids who will understand it less than you do
GO ON VACATION RIGHT NOW. RIGHT FRIGGIN NOW!
I'm very sorry for you. I went through the same thing 7 years ago. I had been married for 15 years. I became very depressed and and couldn't eat. Then I was reminded of my 2 kids and how much they needed me. It's a terrible thing to go through, but you will get through it. Stay strong and concentrate on your children. They will be hurting immensly as well.
Remember, you are not alone. Find a support group and talk to other women who are in the same boat. Have a shoulder to cry on and be strong. A lot of us have been in the same place. It's never easy.
there is no good answer to this, i went through the same thing. the best thought to keep in mind is that in time (every ones different, how long) but things will get better, you just kind of deal with it and look to Friends and family for support
there is no easy way to get through this, i found it devastating when i heard the words, '; i want a divorce';. best if u just allow what is to be, be, as it will do no good to beg or plead, their is a grief process u will be going through, takes time, and distance, as long as he is still there it seems to hurt more. could this be a ploy to try to get changes in the marriage? seems to me if he is not yet gone that there is indeed hope for this. u need to communicate with him now. there is no easy way out of the heartache, its something u have to go through and believe me it isn't easy, but if he really wants the divorce accept it and try to do the best with life as u can. good luck.
Just take it day by day, and try to stay strong which i know is hard to do but staying positive for the kids is important.... after my divorce I just couldnt take it no more and my daughter was distressed as well so we went to California for a week and had the best time and we both needed to reconnect with each other...so just something to consider afterwards... good luck
It may sound impossible tonight, but you will be okay in the future. Coping at first...like sleeping on glass, there seems to be no comfortable position. The healing comes though, it will get better - promise.





The words feel empty as I type them, cause nothing anyone here can say will really help that terrible hurt right now. Given a little time though, things will start to fall back into an order.





A book that helped me alot: ';Crazy Times';. It was conforting to know what other people went through and how they coped.





The best thing I can tell you to do is get good counseling, surround yourself with friends that will listen when you need to talk, and a good lawyer that can help you take care of yourself when your emotions are so raw.





Email if you need a friend.





You are stronger than you know - please believe that.
I am sorry about your situation. There isn't much you can do about this. The best thing for you to do is pull your self together and get things right with you. You have two children who are going to be really upset by the events to come. The best thing to do is not to lay blame on your husband as this will affect your children's relationship with him. Always try to be the bigger person no matter what. I know it's hard to do but, in the end it will be best for you and your children. You can't change how your husband feels. The two of you shouldn't remain living together, as it will make the situation harder han it needs to be. One of you should probably leave the home. Don't blame yourself, as it could be very harmful to your spirit. You are going to have to find the strength to make it through this, you have two other people to worry about and take care of. Your children should be a high priority right now, as it will be all of you who are going through this divorce. Maybe look at this as an opportunity to do something that you have always wanted to do. Maybe learn something new or go some place that you have never been too. Don't look at this like it's the end of the world but, look at this as the beginning of a new adventure in life.

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