How do you cope when your husband wanted the divorce and now he backs down but I no longer love him?

My husband is been wanting the divorce for a year and told me severa times he wasn't in love with me anymore. It was very hard on me and it took me months to accept it. He finally filed two months ago and now a week before we have to sign the papers he regrets it and wants me back. We have two little girls 2 and 3 but he didn't think about them when he started talking about divorce. I tried several times to ask him to save the marriage and he refused saying he didn't love me as a wife anymore. Well it was hard but I've moved on, I started taking care of myself, lost 40 pounds and gained my confidence back. Now he wants me back but I'm no longer in love with him and would like to be alone. I feel very bad for him because I care about him but I don't see him romatically anymore. Can anybody tell me how to cope with this? He's hurting the same or worse that I hurted for months but unfortunately I really don't love him anymore.How do you cope when your husband wanted the divorce and now he backs down but I no longer love him?
I am not sure how a person falls in and out and then back in love so quickly, but honestly, I would not trust the man for a second. You look good and you are confident and you have no need for him and NOW he wants you? What happened to love when you were his wife, having his babies and all of that? I say the man likes to play games and it is best to walk away from him and his playing around.


You deserve a man who wants and loves you 24/7 x 365. Sign the papers, move on, and make sure he makes those child support payments on time!How do you cope when your husband wanted the divorce and now he backs down but I no longer love him?
I feel that he made his choice and now he has to live with it....You stood up for yourself and made a life without him and he wants you back, well tough twinkies for him. Can you ever trust him again, that is the question....and He's hurting? well he brought that on himself...Sorry, I don't mean to sound like a b*tch but I have been there with the back and forth business....it stinks
Sort it out. Many divorce screamers here are just revenge me personalities. They probably never even married before.


You look slim and feel great. Maybe something happened between you two for a while. But make sure he knows that it was your decision since you were the one originally betrayed.
that's his loss. move on


why would you want to go back to someone that told you several times that he is not in love with you anymore but now that its almost final he wants you back
Divorce him if this is what you want. It is about YOU too. After all trouble he cause in the relationship, What's the point to follow his irrationality?
You need support..whether if is from family, friends..therapist..to allow yourself to become a confident person and be positive are great things you have done already..surrounding yourself around people who are important to you..all good thing..keep up the good work
I was in a similar predictament a couple of months ago, only the roles were reversed, we were able to resolve some of the questions we had but the trust and the love were gone. If you keep hearing things over and over again you start believing them and unfortunately it is hard to undo the hurt. We have both moved on after we realized that it was doing neither of us any good. You have to get him to realize that the best thing is to deal with what he has caused and get him to move on, i know it hurts but you might have to be very blunt with him and tell him he caused this situation and he needs to accept your decesion and move on. Of course as you metion it sounds like you have changed for the better and he realizes he might have made a mistake, or he loves your LOOKS and not you the PERSON.Mildred sent me.
You need to read your question again. You have written the answer to your own question. Your husband was being a jerk and now that you have ';changed'; he wants you back. Well I say too bad for him. Now that you have a chance on moving forward he wants to take you away from it. He said he didn't love you. From that hurt you grew. You learned something. I say continue with the divorce. Let him deal with his own issues himself. The same way you had to deal with him telling you he didn't love you.





Please try to continue on taking care of you and your children. You are a very good person because you don't want to hurt him or anyone for that matter. But this is a lesson HE has to learn from. You move forward for you and your daughters. Good luck
You mentioned that he didn't think about your girls when he filed, are YOU thinking about your girls now that you are wanting to move on? It doesn't appear so to me. The thing is that when we put our mind to something.........like forgiving and dedicating ourselves to our marriages in spite of how we feel, that the feelings can end up stronger and better than they ever were before, but it takes work...........and unfortunately many do not want to work it out, but would rather have their family torn apart. I encourage you to REALLY think of the long term ramifications for you and your children if you choose to break your family up and go down that road................





There is far less regret with those who choose to remain faithful in their marriages, whose children grow up in intact families rather than fall victim to the disfunction of ';blended'; families.





http://www.cadz.net


http://www.marriagedivorce.com


http://www.cpr-ministries.org
If you had lost forty pounds several years ago - or not put it on, he probably wouldn't have wanted the divorce. If my wife put on a lot of weight though illness I would support her forever, but if she just stopped caring about herself - didn't bother, I'd lose respect too. It isn't just the way you look, it is the attitude to both yourself and your partner. Hard to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves, and hard to love someone you don't respect.





That said, the damage is done, regardless of how the blame is apportioned, and it would probably be a mistake to re-enter a relationship that didn't appeal in the beginning. The most you should offer is a chance for him to ';win you back'; and if he can't, then that's it. Even if you divorce, if you wished at a later date, you could re-marry.
If you have moved on,then I think you know the answer. You did what was best for you when this was going on. You got your life back. And he needs to understand what he has done. He cant expect you to want him back. Do what feels right,follow your heart and dont settle out of guilt. To many men think they are the only ones that exist. And when they change their mind they want us to be waiting. Sorry, dont work like that. Enjoy your life and have fun.
I can see how you feel because of the betrayal of your husbands love. Is there anyway you two can find the love what you discovered in each other those years ago?


Your husband was selfish but also human as you are. Look for ways to rebuild your marriage and try and find the love the both of you had for each other. Don't treat this as all lost. People have rediscovered love for each other after seperation even after years later. Talk this through and try and find out the underlying reasons why this came about. Let this not be about revenge, also let this not be about you cannot ever be in love with him again. He has had a turn around and he must of originally thought he believed what he did but something inside him sparked the reason he married you.


You two have a lot to talk about and I hope you both the best on finding that saving your marriage and finding the warmth and love you had would be far better than a divorce.


It is not up to others to tell you to divorce when it is someone elses marriage since the world considers divorce as the easy option even the revengeful option rather than the right option that could bring you two back together as a loving couple with children.
He is a big boy, he can take care of himself.





You have already proved to him and to us, that you were hurt, then you healed, and you got tough, you got tough for yourself and for your children.





Keep on looking ahead, do not look back, he made the mistake, and you have a bright, wonderful, lovely future ahead of you.





Do not take him back at all, if you do, then you will regret it, and since you have a good head on your shoulders, you know that will happen to.





Stay tough, your future is bright!!!!


I have a feeling your girls do not want him back, you are doing an awesome job, and too bad for him!!!