Going through a divorce - how do you cope with it emotionally?

After being separated for more than a year, my spouse %26amp; I discussed getting back together.





His conditions were - for me to apologise to his parents %26amp; make amends with his family because they are very important for him. I was also asked to cut off ties with all my male friends.





However when I asked him what he would do for me, he said he wasn't sure!! This was the last straw. It told me that he had NOT changed one bit since all this time that we've been separated. I then did something I've never done before - asked him to **** off.





Our discussion ended with him saying he said he will be filing for a divorce soon.





I'm happy that I was able to stand up for myself. However over the last weeks been also feeling really, really down. I can't sleep at night %26amp; I've lost my appetite. I also miss the guy, although I don't know why!





Any ideas on how I can cope with this better? What steps/actions should I take as I can't keep feeling this way?Going through a divorce - how do you cope with it emotionally?
Remind yourself what you just told us. He wants you to change to accomodate him, but he's not willing to change at all. If you went back, it would be just like it was before, and you separated for some reason.





See a lawyer. You may want to initiate the divorce yourself, in case he does not.Going through a divorce - how do you cope with it emotionally?
Find a very large church. I say very large because the larger the church, the more resources that are available. I am a Baptist and I don't really know what other denominations have to offer, but we have a great group of singles in our church. You need to meet some new people, and have good wholesome fun while getting to know them. There are many related services available in larger churches, to help with divorce and being single once again. I hope you will consider this option, you have nothing to lose.
You know what it all really boils down too, you and that guy were not really compatable. Now of course you shouldn't want to be alone, and you will need to search for a new mate, so look for someone who you can talk too and have a good compatability with, search out who you are and think about the kind of guy you need, and good luck with your new life.
Instead of dwelling on ending the marriage I think you should look forward and think of this ad the start of a whole new beginning. (that is what I did when my husband said he was going to divorce me). Start planning ahead. New digs, new clothes (from loosing all that weight) and endless possibilities. I went back to school.





Keep your eyes forward and never look back.
Community service, read, spend time with friends, go on casual dates, go to a gym, there's a lot you can do, basically you need to focus on YOU and your best interests.





**good for you for standing up to him.
I think you two should both compromise


He came up with things he wanted you to do for him


so now you should come up with things for him to do for you


and if he doesn't do them its his loss
you need to been strong , and face the change ahead of you ,,, it a tough world out there ,
find a grogeous rebound guy. worked for me :)
dont cut off your male friends! and live it up! and do YOU!
wish i new what to tell u but im out thru it myself ......hope we both get some answers
Call someone that you can talk to and have your self a good cry and then go out and buy something pretty to wear or a nice car and then go out and celebrate because you are rid of someone that is only thinking of his self and not you-he don't care about what you want just what he want. start thinking about yourself-remember you can do bad alone you don't need some one to help you-he want his cake and he want to eat it to-no way-don't let it happen.if you do look out you are in for trouble-he will start telling you what he want you to do and what you can't do-you are grown you have a mind of your own use it
Well forme it was being the one to file for the divorce, it gave me more of a feeling of I'm doing this for me. It is normal to miss the guy you fell in love with, even though he look the same one the outside, the guy you knew is gone. Take a little time and go ahead be a little sad that it just didn't work out and that he doesn't know how to treat you better. Frankly if he knew what he wanted from you but didn't know what to give you, he sounds a little selfish. Even the bible says a man must leave his family and cleave to his wife. Sounds like he just couldn't stand by you. Live and learn and next time you'll know one of the pitfalls to look for. Good luck.....


~j
I chose to end my marriage for very sound reasons after stewing and working on it for years. I was sure I wanted the divorce... NO DOUBT. But, I missed him, I missed little things. I grieved him, the marriage, the hopes and dreams, the expectations, on and on. I grieved.


It was worth the pain, because when it was all said and done, I feel like I had truly healed and was ready to move on with a clean slate. I feel bad for people that jump into the next relationship with all that baggage still attached to them.


Get out with the girlfriends. Get busy. and allow yourself to grieve.
The first thing is - do you still love him? If you have unresolved feelings for your husband then moving to a divorce is not really the best option. Until you can honestly tell yourself that you have little or no regrets - that you tried everything that you could to make it work out - and that your love is gone, then you are going to have problems. If you are not in this place, then maybe you need to start a dialogue with your husband again and try to work things out. It's not easy, but your vows were important and if you messed up (which by the sound of it you might have done) you need to learn and grow and get on with mending your marriage.





If you do not love him anymore or you know that the marriage is not salvagable, then it's going to hurt and only time and focus on new life goals are really the only thing that will heal it. Any major change in our lives affects our bodies. Stress is what is stopping you eating and sleeping. Try to not focus on what you have lost. You need to start planing your 'new' life as a single person. Take a long and honest look at yourself and how you can make sure that the mistakes of the past that led you to this point can be avoided in the future. When you start to feel more positive about your future and how you have grown in self-wisdom, you will stop feeling like you are not coping and in the meantime, eat well, exercise more, pray (if you are spiritual) or meditate. Get a good massage and listen to uplifting music. You'll get there!
It's really hard to break old habits even if they are bad habits. If your spouse isn't willing to budge on the changes and compromise and you're the only one expected to change that doesn't sound very equitable. You're right back to square one with no resolution for a better relationship. There's a grieving process that takes place when a marriage is over, it's the death of our hopes and dreams of a happy life. There are no short cuts to the process but there are ways to make you feel better. Exercise helps ward off depression, involvement in a project or friends, whatever it was that you enjoyed before a divorce was hanging over your head, you will find a way to feel better and get your life back together. Good Luck.