My parents are getting a divorce and I don't know what to do?

I'm 27 and have had a lot of really rough patches in my life, but I never in a million years thought my parents would get a divorce. I guess no one does really. It happened a few weeks ago when my Mom told me that she was leaving my Dad. To be honest, I really don't blame her. She doesn't get the love she deserves, he treats her like it's the 1950s, always expecting her to clean up and take care of everything. He never helped out around the house or anything. He's also been unfaithful to her and I guess is continuing that. He has multiple profiles on dating sites that my Mom found out about. After she told me, I was pretty okay with it, but I just finished helping my Mom and my brother move into their new apartment and it just kinda hit me...hard. It's a bunch of mixed feelings, really.





I also feels like the family is getting torn apart. Everyone was incredibly stressed out today and nearly at everyone's throats. It got me wondering if that's how it's going to be when we get together for the holidays and such.





How does one cope with parents getting divorce and all the turmoil that accompanies it?My parents are getting a divorce and I don't know what to do?
Eric,





It's really tough to go through your parents divorce, at ANY age, and for lots of reasons. It's like experiencing a death in the family, and for that reason, you might have some luck with some of the many books out there about grieving.





There are also many books about this exact topic. Your local public library (small though it be) may have some, but if you want a list of titles, feel free to contact me by email. I know what you're going through, from the other side of the situation!My parents are getting a divorce and I don't know what to do?
my parents split when i was 18, look at the positives, your mum has a new life ahead of her, she will be out clubbing more than you! As for the holidays, you get double, you may gain a step-father %26amp; step-mother. Try not to think about it to much, nothing you can do to change the past.
Have honest conversations with your family about it. It's difficult, but if you're all on the same page, it will make things easier.





Lean on close friends - use them to vent so that you can be patient and open when you're speaking to your family. What are friends for, right?
well first it takes time. its somethng new and different. you gotta ask yourself would you want your family to look happy but really arent or would you let them try to start over with a fresh start. you really shouldnt be blaming this on yourself. your dad needs to know this is a new time. its going to be ok just some time getting use too. thats all. but im sure once everything gets settle things will definetly get better. good luck
Good Lord, you're 27!!!! You're not a child, worrying about whose getting custody of you! You're a WOMAN!!!


It'll be rough for a while for your mom, but not forever. If your dad is a jerk, he'll just continue being a jerk. As to holidays and crap, that can all come later.
dood your a grown man.................they probably been married for some time............theirs no attraction nomore................you cannot do nothing about it
Ahhh Eric, I'm so sorry that your family has joined what seems to be becoming more and more the ';norm'; - Big hugs for you.





The fact that you're an adult when this has happened is really a good thing. Think about it - you get to choose how you will allow this to affect you. You have a much louder voice than you used to and can use bigger words - you can tell your parents not to talk about each other badly in your presence, you can insist that you all eat together once a month and there will be no arguing or backing out. You can get pushy!





On the other side of things - do not listen to anyone who tells you that you're too old for this to upset you - there's no age limit for mourning the loss of something which gave you a feeling of stability your whole life. You have the absolute right to feel the way you feel.





My parents were divorced when I was about 17 and it was really difficult. Dad treated Mum the same way yours did but there was no infidelity. The one thing I wish is that we had still come together as a family occasionally.





Take a few deep breaths, relax and think about what you want to happen, then tell them. You will feel better for dumping some of the helplessness :)





Jenna
Remember nobody knows what goes on in a marriage. there are three sides to the story, his , hers and the truth. Maybe Dad treats Mom poorly but maybe mom never says anything but is passive agressive instead. Or maybe she withholds physcial affection from Dad to punish him. Maybe dad had an affair long ago and they stayed together for the kids. Whatever went on, you will probably never know the whole story. So, don't take sides. Just love your parents where they are. Don't get involved in the details. You already know more than any child should about their parents marriage.





it is going to be hard for awhile. divorce is like dealing with a death. and in fact, it is a death of sorts. So you have to allow yourself some time to be sad, then angry. Eventually you and your parents will figure it out.





what i will caution you on is to watch for misplaced anger and unforgiveness. I have seen over and over again that when kids (no matter how old) do not forgive their parents for being idiots, they are destined to become exactly the same as the parent they have not forgiven. That doesn't mean you have to excuse their behavior. It just means you accept that what they did was wrong but you move past it and love them despite their bad behavior.


Learn from their mistakes and make sure you don't repeat them.
Thats pretty rough man. My parents got divorced when I was 5, and so I don't know anything else really. I would think that it would be a whole different story at your age. Plus I think you might be a little old to have the benifit of 2 christmases : ).





If I could give you any advice it would be this:





Try not to develope a grudge for either of them. It is very comon for the child to side with one of the parents(quite possibly because one of them might be in the right).


They're both you parents and no body alive is perfect.





Seccondly you just have to know that it might take some time to get used too, but there is a good chance they will bot be happier in the end.
im going through the same thing right now. i feel like it would be way easier if my parents got divorced when i was little instead of when i was in my 20's. it doesnt hit me until the holidays come. last thanksgiving was the first holiday without my dad. it was hard and to make it worse my mom made me go to her new boyfriends house. i would have cried the whole time if my boyfriend wasnt there for me. i only ever cried over it during the first holiday when my parent werent together. it's def hard and stressful. i keep trying to help but my mom doesnt want anything to change. it's fustrating. dont worry it does get better and you do get use to it. people dont realize how hard it is when you are older, they always say things like well you are older now it must be easier. they r wrong. im sorry you are going throught this.