How to cope with emotional affair and threat to divorce?

I have been in long term relationship and have 14 month old son.





Recently have grown very distant with SO as I began emotionally withdrawing to protect myself from SO who I see as critical with anger management/verbal abuse issues. We had a short period recently warming up and then I came across evidence of emotional affair (flirty co-worker texting) not the first time this has occurred. So hurt again. I did not confront but withdrew more. After a week of being cold/distant we snapped at each other and SO said he needed a break to refresh our relationship. That part of him hopes we get back together but he is lost and thinks we no longer see eye to eye.





He has throughout relationship refused any third party help. Now I get that I love you but just don’t know how I feel. We have a small child. I asked him to commit to help me try to fix relationship. He said have the break first.





Then I come across evidence that the Emotional Affair is ramping up. The day after he announced our “:break up” I saw he googled several new restaurants and purchased a Japanese phrasebook. His Emotional affair is Japanese girl (we are not). So he clearly intends to woo her. She is of course also a fluent English speaker, so its just to be cute/demonstrate interest.





I really need advice.





I am dying to confront her (emotional affair other woman) nicely and ask her as a favor to my child, to please give me space to fix my relationship.


Or:


Accept this as a blessing since we have a lot of historical conflict


Or:


Give him ultimatum. Tell him this “Break” is final. No turning back unless he proves to me that he has cut off all contact from this woman.








I am burning to move forward with some plan, but am paralyzed knowing I need to do this in calm collect strategic way or risk being the on that ultimately causes irreparable rift.





I think I deserve better than this so part of me just wants to take the high road, leave them alone and get on with my life. Head held high, knowing also that they will probably fail (She is a professional University grad 23, pretty, and smart) but My SO is a 33 year old high school grad earning $45K. He charmed me, but how many times will we women be so stupid? I regret signing up to be his financial moneybag. I too am college educated, 6 figure professional.How to cope with emotional affair and threat to divorce?
You're asking the wrong person to back off because of your child.





It's his child.....and if he has no respect for you and the importance of your relationship talking to her won't do any good.





Get some counseling for both of you.....if he won't go then you should go on your own because sooner or later you're going to have some major decisions to make %26amp; therapy will get you ready for them.How to cope with emotional affair and threat to divorce?
Hi there -





What a rough time for you. Emotional affairs are still affairs as they are forms of betrayal. At the moment he thinks he has you and he has this other woman so it is time to back off from him.





Whether or not you decide to breakup, right now what you need to do is look after yourself and your child, and being in the middle of this drama that he is creating is not good. You need to emotionally disengage from him, so he no longer has you any more. There is a great forum called surviving infidelity and they have a great article called 'the fog' which explains the headspace your partner is in: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/healing_library/confrontation/fog.asp (WS means 'wandering spouse' - they also have a lot of info about pulling back emotionally, calling it no contact.





Good luck, I've been through it and it's tough!
I wish there was a MAGIC PILL to make the HURT %26amp; BETRAYAL GO AWAY, but I have yet to find anything to help me, and it has been 2 years now. Even having people tell me that I am the VICTIM and that what HE has done to me is known as 'ABANDONMENT' does not help the hurt. Together for 27 years and MARRIED for 21 1/2 years. He has had NO CONTACT with our children OR grandchildren for over 4 months. A lot of hurt feelings and he doesn't even seem to care.