Putting divorce on hold for the kids - for how long?

Hi. It's been a little while now, and it's pretty obvious to both my wife %26amp; I that we should just get it over with %26amp; get divorced. No one's cheated on anyone or anything like that. We just don't get along at all, come from drastically different backgrounds, and have completely incompatible spiritual beliefs. To be blunt - we really shouldn't have ever gotten married or had kids in the first place.





But we did. And now have two beautiful kids who we love very much. There haven't been any explosive moments to make one of us say 'enough is enough,' and we're both sort of hanging on because of the children.





I have a 5yo daughter and a 3yo son. My wife is older than me also - I'm 34 and she's 41. So while there's no immediate pressure on us to get a divorce ASAP, it's most likely going to go down at some point. And that's where my question comes in: what is the ';ideal'; age for the kids to be in a divorce? Do children cope better when they're still toddlers/kindergardeners because they're still in the 'adaptable' phase of their lives and the family pattern hasn't been fully established? Or are kids better off having a solid, stable home while they're young - and then the parents split when they're in their teens? They may be better equipped emotionally to handle it then, or it might be tons worse.





Obviously every situation is different. But if you have a personal experience, I'd love to hear it. Thx.Putting divorce on hold for the kids - for how long?
There's no 'good' age to do it - I know a woman that completely wigged out when her parents split, and she was 25 at the time. If you choose to stay together for the kids, and wait until their older to divorce, bear in mind that both you and your wife are setting yourselves up for years of not being happy. Certainly, that won't make the happiest possible home for your kids. You'll also have to consider whether or not you and your eventually-to-be-ex wife will continue to live as a married couple, elect to be celibate for several years, or be allowed to date while you wait to divorce. If you and your wife are not happy together, I'm assuming you've stopped having sex - are you willing to give that up for several years?





What I think would be best for the kids is to have parents that are happy, and able to treat each other with respect. If the two of you can manage an amicable divorce, always speak well of each other, and work together to put your kids first, there's no reason a divorce will have any long-term, damaging effects on them.Putting divorce on hold for the kids - for how long?
either in pampers or in college..
i think when they re teens. when my parents divorced i was a teen - i didn't give a flying ''''''' about whether they were together or not. when i got divorced with my ex my kids were preteens - it was hard on them, especially for older one who was around 11. my current husband has 2 daughters from previous marriage - when he divorced his wife they both were teens. they kinda didn''t give anything about them - they were busy with their lives. the elder one moved out already, so it didn't affect her at all. the younger one who had to live with her mother suffered a little bit, but now she is all right - adjusted and recuperated. so i say the most damaging divorce is for smaller kids - from 2 till 12, maybe 13.
My parents got divorced when I was five, I'm twenty now. I don't think there's a right age to do it, but I love both my parents just the same, and I think I turned out okay too.





In my opinion, it might be better not to wait. It's not easy for a child to grow up seeing their parents fall out of love, so dragging it on might make it harder for them.





The only other thing I really suggest is that you both get 50/50 custody on the children, and both spend as much time with them as you can, especially when the divorce has just happened.





Good luck with whatever you decide :)
im in the same position as you, same age and all, though my kids are older and the wife younger. I'm ';holding out'; until they reach their teens in a few years. Like you, its not pressing but unless things change between us (and it hasnt in 12 years) I dont see how it could be avoided. Nevertheless, we're better off together now both for the kids and financial reasons.