How in the world do you cope with the divorce of your closest friends?

My husband and I have been great friends with a couple for more than 6 years now - through their courtship and marriage. The wife is an old friend of mine for many years. We all live far from our own families, so the friends we have here are our family. Our lives are completely integrated and we spend all of our time together. Now they've announced they're divorcing. I'm sad, I'm sad for our friends mostly but also for this loss of life and comradery we've enjoyed for so long. I know it will probably be better for them in the end, but I would like some advice on coping with it. I'm not handling it well and would still like to be there to help and support my friend. I won't add anything else - just curious if anyone else out there has decent advice.How in the world do you cope with the divorce of your closest friends?
It is a tough one. Set yourself some boundaries and don't break them, work out how long your willing to listen to her vent to you about him. Then work out what your prepared to listen to as far as their personal details go. The thing is I have seen people separate, they get talking with friends, personal stuff and everything that goes along with it, then the friend takes their side and might say ';He is a jerk'; (or worse) Then the couple get back together and the friend is banished because of her supportive input! I know this is unlikely with your friends, but it has happened. If they remain in the same town and they both eventually go out with other people, you will also need to watch out for this or at least keep it in mind now for later, because if you stay friends with your friend and your husband remains friends with his friend, then the new partner for either one of them is going to feel uncomfortable isn't she/he? In some ways it's harder fort the friends because you are always going to try and do the right thing and at times it's hard to know what the right thing is without hurting someone else. I would try to stay out of it at much as possible. All the best.How in the world do you cope with the divorce of your closest friends?
It is going to be a little rough, but you can be open and honest with both of them. Tell them that you are so sorry for them and that you will not take sides. You love them both and couldnt bear losing either one of them.





They should understand. Do not take sides and stay out of the tug of war. I have been through this, and it is not easy on the friends either. having to choose sides and not wanting to or the awkwardness of it all. Hopefully your friends will be mature adults and try not to drag you through it.
It's amazing how much mature wisdom resembles being to tired. Just do a lot of listening when she wants to talk and only offer noncommittal answers. She doesn't at this point want answers, only a 'sounding board' to hear herself think out loud. Be sympathetic and let this situation run it' course that's all you can possibly do.
Did my best to maintain friendship with both of them. I refused to hear anything bad about the other, so they didn't talk to me about it. We were able to stay friends, but since they were no longer a couple it was two separate friendships, seeing them separately, and not entering into any mud slinging. Matter of trust.
I think you can cope better if you concentrate about helping your friend cope with HER divorce -


It's not always about you.
Just try to maintain your friendship and don't take sides. Do not join in slamming one or the other.
Dear Christine,





I've been right where you are now. I've watched a marriage disintegrate and become nothing more than entertainment for friends and neighbors who hurt the divorcing couple more than they helped them. You need to move carefully here, or you can do more harm than good.





WARNING: If you talk to either of the other good friends, do not repeat what one said to the other. They need to handle their own problems. Do not ask for reports on how the divorce is going. Be sympathetic, but do not dig for info. Their divorce is not a ';soap opera'; for your benefit. Do not encourage bad behavior on either of their parts. You would be amazed at the things that people will do to one another in a divorce.





I know you feel almost like there has been a death in the family. You're right to feel that way, too. It is a loss for all of you. Be careful that you don't take their hurt feelings back into your marriage. It happens a lot. It can cause you problems with your husband if you aren't careful. I know that it can be hard to keep this at arm's length, but keep in mind that you are not really a trained counselor. Encourage them both to find a qualified counselor to help them wade through the mess with minimum damage to one another. You'll all breathe a sigh of releif!





The best that you can do for them is pray. You might not think that it does a lot, but you would be wrong. Stay calm, cool and love them both right through it. :)
it's not ';decent'; advice, but in reality, you usually have to choose which one you will have the most interaction with. so in your case, your loyalty should be to the wife.





refrain from saying anything negative or even agreeing with her when she says something negative about the ex hubby.





i'm sure the hubby is a good guy, but it's just going to be plain old awkward if you really retain a strong relationship with both. imagine them both showing up to your big party? imagine how they would feel if you did or did not invite one of them? why put yourself through all of that.





in general, guys tend to move on somewhat with their lives. while women tend to take a bit longer and need more emotional support.





be friends with the guy, just not ';close'; friends. if he calls, be cordial, but don't go out of your way to include him in your social life.





for the wife, by all means include her, you'Ve known her longer.





and if you are wondering, they may just patch things up, you never know, so make sure you are not rude to either of them, and don't let them vent too much about what a terrible spouse the other one was. then you look bad if they get back together.