How do you cope with getting a divorce that you dont want?

my wife filed for divorce, something i didnt want and i feel ive done nothing to her that any normal person would want to leave me, my wife is cruel and and verbally abuses me but quietly not infront of her friends or family, so to those on the outside she is a great person.





I am finding it hard to cope without her, even after all the abuse, she has my children and now today i found out she has a boyfriend, we are still married and i guess i am hanging on in hope we can work things out....what is the best way to cope when you are no longer wanted by your spouse?.How do you cope with getting a divorce that you dont want?
no idea, but I'm sorry man. that sucks. sounds like she wasn't so nice to you though... I'm sure you'll find someone who will treat you better in time. Try to keep your head up for your kids sake. Good luck.How do you cope with getting a divorce that you dont want?
I don't care who you are, Rejection is the hardest emotion to deal with! Your security issues are playing on you right now. Tell yourself over %26amp; over that if this was meant to be, it would BE! Since it isn't - then it wasn't... You cannot make someone love you. You have to find a way after the initial shock wears off to let go... Love %26amp; Respect YOU, so that you will never allow such behavior to be bestowed upon you again! Life will keep right on going on, no matter how broken your heart is...
Get out and live your life as well. Your not dead yet.. Join a Gym..take some classes.. Make sure you get out that calander and that you have things to do everyday. The more busy you stay the faster it will go buy of you adjusting to your new life.
the best way to cope is to go on with your life.keep a good relationship with your children and do not try to date until you get yourself right emotionally.your wife doesn't deserve you anyway and trust me the man she left you for is going to dog her and leave her.do not take her back because she isn't worth it.
Get counselling...you need to refind your self worth...
It's over. Find someone new.
It is up to you. I would give it time. Keep yourself occupied with work in the meantime and activities or Church. Try getting help for yourself. Counciling may help. Once your wife goes, there may be a chance of her wanting to return. The thing is to be patient. Also to not get your hopes up at the same time. She once loved you . I suppose you have grown apart. She may be experiencing an ego problem. She may not. She may have found what she considers to be her perfect mate. We all make mistakes in our lives. The thing to do now....in is as much as it hurts...is to let go. If she comes back to you it was meant to be. If she doesn`t then it wasn`t meant to be. Don`t blame anyone. Things happen. We haven`t a clue as to why. We just know there is a different path we must travel at times. Seek the comfort of friends and don`t be bitter or sorrowful. Don`t let her know you can`t get along without her. You can express you wish that this wasn`t happening. Just let her know you are there if she wants to come back. That may change after the divorce. Only you can tell that afterwards. You can`t cross that bridge until you get there. Meantime pray alot. It is the best I can tell you in this circumstance. Keep busy. Let the chips fall where they may. Don`t do anything drastic and seek help if you can`t cope.
if she has a new boyfriend and your kids then she has definitely moved on, the best thing you can do to get over her is to get out and about doing things that interest you and when you do you will find others that enjoy the same so you should find a more compatible spouse or girlfriend and when you think about your soon to be ex then you should think not of the good times but of all the abuse that was heaped upon you it will not take long to put that sort of person in the dust and you will find that the new boyfriend will not fare any better than you they seldom do
I was in the same type of relationship before. I found that one of the reasons my cheating and verbally abusive husband allowed the divorce was because he wanted better for me. When he came back after being gone for 13 years he found me with 3 kids and a home that was almost paid for. Something that at the age of 40 he had never experienced. Divorce hurts everyone involved however; one can pull through it. You do not deserve to be belittled and would you take her back after she had been with someone else? Love I know can cause us to do things we normally would not do. Please don;t try to hold on to her. She is obviously not mature enough for you. Part as friends for the kids. Later on when she grows up she will realize what she missed out on. There are too many good women out there that would be proud to be your wife. You also need a spousal support group for the verbal abuse to help you cope. You need to take a good look at yourself. You are very low on self esteem right now. Your wife acts in front of the friends and the family, that clearly shows her immaturity. I will tell you that with the husband I am married to now; I found myself hollering and screaming at him at one point. But I realized that he abuse that he suffered from his father caused him to not listen to me any other way. Once I realized what I was doing, I stopped it completely. I make sure that he knoes that not only do I love him but I am proud of him. We have been married almost 11 years. Please do something special to make yourself feel better.
You can't stay in a marriage when one wants out. You are stronger then you think. Seek out some counseling for yourself. You deserve to be treated better then this.
hey man thats a real bummer about the divorce. I haven't been in a marriage but to me it sounds like you really don't need this woman, she is only hurting you, putting you down, and making you miserable to the point of feeling helpless, and I am guessing she has made you feel so bad that you think you can't get anyone else ';as good'; as her. Well let me tell you, this is called abuse. I had an abusive childhood, and this is the same kind of business. You need to go through with the divorce and stop feeling bad. Your life will be much better without her, I promise. Consider this a time to be able to explore yourself, start a new hobby, and perhaps get a renewed perspective on life. If you want to see the children you will have to work it out with her, hopefully not in court, but it sounds likely. The children will have a hard time, but if you love them, then you will see them because your children need their real father.


I hope that helps. All in all, go out with your buddies, have some fun, let the healing process start.
I went through this exact same thing. But my case was worse. I had 3 daughters who my ****** ex decided to leave the state with after she filed for divorce. Hopefully yours won't take the kids out of your life like mine did. I won't lie to you it will take time and LOTS of it. This was 12 years ago and guess what? I am so happy...happier now than what I thought I was back then. I realize that we were never meant to be together and I now know that if I were with her today I would be a miserable wreck. It sounds like you will be MUCH happier when you find someone else who will love and care for you rather than belittle you. The girls I met since my ex have ALL been much more to my liking. My problem was I never really did much dating beforehand and I see that I jumped into a relationship that seemed ';safe';, nothing more. Go join a gym...TRUST me on this, it will make you feel so much better about yourself plus there are tons of girls you may get to know. After a year or two maybe you'll be thanking your stars you split with her
I wouldnt sign the divorce papers if i were you. She may try and get child support if you do. Not only that you can move on with your life without signing those papers. When your kids get older they will know that you did your best. I wouldnt back down. Let her know your not goin no where. She might just be making a mistake. When this new guy dumps her or treats her bad she'll relize youv been there all along and she will begging you back. Thats what id do anyway...
same thing happened to my man.. he had 2 kids and 6 years with his ex.. she asked for a divorce several times, and they reconciled several times, but finally, it happened... they weren't right for each other, and he knew that, but he would have done anything to keep it together for his kids... he didn;t want them to grow up in a split family.. and i know that things were very difficult for him, emotionally for a while.. he had 50% custody, but the nights he didn't have his daughters, he had to go to sleep in the family home alone... he had a few dates, but for the most part, he threw himself into his work, working out, and focusing on his children.. then he met me a year and a half later, and i have helped him out of the lonliness... however, every time i see him drop his kids back off to her, my heart aches for him, cause i know his breaks every time they have to leave... just focus on something.. whether its work, or ur self, or go out with ur friends, or go to the gym.. get a hobby and get ur mind of of what is hurting you.. eventually, time will heal you and you will be able to move on and find that special person who will be with you forever...
Lets get real. You don't want her either. How could you if she is that cruel and sneaking just to make herself look like the angel. You are not happy you are just afraid of being alone. Her having a boyfriend is a big ego blow for now but trust me... Let her go an be happy. You will find someone who will not mistreat you and you will be happy too.
keep your head up high..fight for your kids..and one day you will meet that someone special and thank god it never lasted..until than..do not give in and fight...get yourself a good lawyer....
you know if a wife has a boyfriend while filing for a divorce.. that's still '; adultery'; in eyes of judge.. you can request some things as custody of the kids and other.. since it's a not a good idea to have new boyfriend/g/f '; until divroce is finalized.
Acceptance is the key to all of our problems....also realizing that you can have and deserve so much more.....talking with a therapist helps a lot also...helps put things in to perspective. Good luck.
Hang in there. It's about to get worse.





My only advice to you is stay strong because your situation is very, very difficult. You are going to have to find a center of strength and character within yourself. Prepare for the worst. All the best.
#1 - get a lawyer


#2 - if she's messing w/ another man while married to you still - counter sue for divorce for infidelity (aka adultery)


#3 - start gathering data on what she does, when she does it and if she's involving the children.


#4 - grow some cojones! You need to understand that this woman is waaaaaaaaaaay bad for you - and if she's abusive to you - is she abusive to your children? If she'll pick on a grown man - what does she do to little ones that have no voice?


No intent to be cruel or unsympathetic - you really do need to get some help - start with legal assistance and then go for either your pastor, priest, therapist, family doctor - and if you need more assistance with the abuse - get hold of Victims of Violence. And keep an eye on your kids....