Here is the problem, I really don't want a divorce because over the past 8 months or so she has stopped being violent and we get along great. I still love her and want to work things out. She tells me that there is hope of us getting back together.
Anyway, for the past week I have ate less than 3000 calories and have had less than a days worth of sleep. What do you all think I should do?
Also, it is uncertain as to if we are getting back together how can I cope with the extreme agony I feel? I am going to therapy, but doesn't seem to help though :-(.How do I cope with divorce?
You know ... it is a FAR, FAR better thing that you are doing to STAY ALONE and to LEAVE This Abuser behind you ...
because .. what you describe happening is the fact that even though the physical abuse has STOPPED for the moment ...
SHE IS ABUSING you mentally, emotionally, and leading you on ... and it seems like she is being very, very manipulative to get as much out of the divorce as possible.
And ... I also need to point out that there is ALWAYS .. ALWAYS ... between the escalation of the physical violence/abuse a ';Honeymoon'; period -- where the abuser is as 'nice' as possible -- giving that person 'hope' that they have changed ... but ... in reality -- they have NO INCENTIVE or DESIRE to Change and STOP the violence -- for you are CO-DEPENDENT .. and so DESPERATE to BELIEVE that you will listen to hollow words indeed.
How do I know this?
Well, this Empty-Nesting Single Retiree IS The SURVIVOR of a short disaster of a Marriage to an abusive, violent sociopath -- and the cycle of violence, the honeymoon period and another cycle of violence continued onwards .. until I WALKED AWAY after an episode where I KNEW That if I DID NOT WALK AWAY -- then this Cheating, abusive Ex would have KILLED me and/or the Children (or all of us for sure -- just to gain FINANCIALLY from MY DEATH and the DEATH of the children).
PLEASE ... for your own sake -- STICK with the THERAPY -- and CARE for YOUR SELF at this time .. TREAT your SELF to something that you always wanted ... DO NOT get involved with another at this time (The cruelty of a bounce-back relationship is just horrible) .. and you DO NOT Want to be USED or to USE anyone just because they are the 'warm body'.
GET Comfortable in your OWN SKIN, by YOUR SELF ... and yes, in you OWN PLACE with just your own thoughts and emotions -- and DO NOT LET ANYONE MANIPULATE Those emotions any more.
FOR .. in the end .. the ONLY person who can affect your Emotional State .. your feelings .. is ... YOU! SO ... be HAPPY that you no longer have to WORRY about STDs, about being beaten/abused, nor do you have to worry about the manipulation from someone who could NOT support you during the time of need (and having your grandparents die and loss of a job/resources is hard indeed).How do I cope with divorce?
You need to be strong and show her what she's losing. If you can't work it out between you then draw a line under it all and try and move on - there are bigger and better things out there for you. Believe in yourself and don't be pushed around by her. I know that you love her as you have stayed with her thgouh all the crap that she has done but you need to love yourself more. Life does not end because of divorce - in many cases it begins! Make sure that you are always there for your kids and that you show them how to be strong and how to live and how to love! Best wishes!
Having lived with an abuser, I can tell you that you need to STAY away from the abuser...if they'll hit you once, they'll do it again and again....do you want your children exposed to this?
What if she SUCCEEDS in killing you?
I KNOW how hard it is to stay away from someone you think you love...and who stays nice enough to you just enough to keep you off kilter....I KNOW...I've BEEN THERE...
Thank God you got out of the abusive and unhealthy relationship...STAY away from it...DO NOT be sucked back in...things will go back to the way they were...you can count on that...she may have ';stopped'; for awhile..but not forever...
You need to realize that YOU are WORTH so much more than that...therapy WILL help..this didn't happen over night and you will not get better overnight...
If this therapist isn't helping, GET A NEW ONE..
And know you are NOT alone...there are many of us...MANY of us...who are rooting for you....
Thinking solves nothing. I'll tell you what works....
Ask what you really want---
BUT avoid answering right away, AND avoid thinking about the answer.
Just let that question loose.... %26amp; the answer will return, so that your next step will be clear.
Meanwhile....
Eat and sleep right now or else your mental health will shatter into nice little pieces.
And it's already fractured, so you don't need that.
Eat and sleep right now, or else you'll come to permanent rest.
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