How do I as a man cope with divorce?

My wife and I are seperated heading for divorce. We had tried marriage counseling twice and she decided she did not want to go anymore saying she noticed everything that the counselor was saying was problems with me. I noticed it to be both sides that had issues to deal with. I love my wife more than anything and want to work it out but she says she has nothing left to give. The reason we are separated is because she says she is not getting the love she needs. I admit I have been bad about getting flowers and kissing her and showing my emotions much less than I should have but I haven't lost any love for her. We have both been diagnosed with depression and the counselor had said that my loss of love for myself is a big reason why I wasn't showing it to her. I am continuing the counseling on my own to better myself but I can't stand being apart from her. I don't know how to cope with this, I feel completely sick to my stomach every day and cant focus on anything other than the want of us being back together. I really need some ideas of how to deal with this. Thanks for any info...How do I as a man cope with divorce?
You're unwilling to do even these few rather small things - bringing home a few flowers occasionally, selecting a nice card, bestowing a sincere compliment - it would take to make her happy so your notion of the loving experience must be flawed - probably one-sided, just as spouse indicated. One question for you is why you have been so consistently unwilling to meet even these small requests. What's so hard? Do you somehow measure a relationship by how much you get minus how much YOU had to give up to get it, as if pleasing spouse is a negative / chore of some kind? Too many guys come to the trough ready to take everything a woman has, ready to exploit the cultural imperative imposed on women to serve all the days of their lives - parents, careers, children and, alas, fat-headed husbands, too. Guys are supposed to notice all this servitude in the home growing up and vow never inflict such a travesty on a beloved. Sounds like yours got still more drudgery and none of the pleasantries. ... How could you construe such a one-sided arrangement as love? No doubt you miss the good service. One misses a devoted slave, after all. But love? Free advice: Study couples in a seniors' residence for their views on the give-and-take of a successful marriage. Your confusion here suggests you're on a learning curve and therefore likely to benefit from their wisdom.How do I as a man cope with divorce?
I believe you should deal with your depression at this time and perhaps keep in touch with your wife on a positive and distant level for the time being. You need to work on yourself first. Also, sometimes we need space from each other to put things back in perspective. It's not easy but if you try and focus on yourself first and get yourself back where you're suppose to be, things might work themselves out between you and your wife. Just try and take it slow for the time being where your wife is concerned.
Try eating a lot of chocolate, crying and feeling sorry for yourself for a spell. Then what we women usually do, is focus on ourselves, mentally, physically. Eventually, you realize that you are happier, and you move on. That is how us women do it, and I have seen men do it too. You just need to learn how to live with yourself, and be happy, once you can do that, the rest is cake.
The same way as women do: One day at a time.
Most questions on here now are trolls, but this one seems genuine, and as well, you have a huge life change to accept....if this marriage works out or not, since if she opts to stay, you and she both must change to make this a happy, supportive marriage.





See if this helps.





I think, hon, that successful marriages are Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust, with a whole lot of lovies, and kindnesses each for the other. It is as well an ability to attack your problems, not each other, and solve differences without rage and resentment.





I don't see here any sins of rage, arguing, resentment, etc. What you have confessed to are sins of omission, and not coming up to her standards of showing your love and need for her. Apparently long ago she has felt abandoned in this marriage, and isolated from you both because of this, and because both of you admit to bouts of depression.





I'd not have counseled you in the way you have state your counselor did...i.e., finding someone at fault.





Obviously at this point, she wants out, and you do not.





I think your counselor missed the point here....





1..lack of communication between the two of you,


2. and if you are not already on anti-depressants, you each need to be under the care of a doc, willing to tweak your meds. They aren't perfect, and they as well, are not forever, But anyone is an idiot who thinks they can ';cure'; depression with diet. (Yes, there are those out there who think that!!! or at least make a profit selling book with that idea.)





I'm thinking that if you are not an abusive man, an ogre, and she not so psychotic as to be one step away from confinement, you two ought to try again, with a counselor who uses the ideas in a book that you as well can get, and ought to read together with her, called, ';How to get the love you want'; by Helen Hunt. (Funny, isn't it.... the title is that same as what you stated she wasn't getting from you!!!)





If your wife is already involved with someone else, she has already really left this marriage. Betrayal is the dealbuster. And that, I know you hope isn't the case.





If this has been a short marriage (you didn't say) she may just feel an inner urge to leave, and see if she still ';has it';. (Usually around the age of 38).





There's lots more, but this a beginning. If you need more, write. My box isn't locked.