Friday, August 20, 2010
What are your stressors and how do you cope?
hey guys and gals! i need your help. im doing a research study on stress and all i need is for you to answer some questions. i just need gender and age recorded. please reply and answer the questions...thanks!
please pick from the list the sources of stress that are common in your life:
school
work
family
relationships
friends
health
money
managing time
death
divorce
future
transportation
social
spiritual
are there any stressors you face that are not on the list?
how do you cope with stress?What are your stressors and how do you cope?
sometimes school stresses me out, i usually keep up with it tho and do really well on exams and projects so not usually. Sometimes money does, not often though. im good with saving and very good at spending on what i need, not what i want.
Actually now that i think about it, none of those are stress factors for me. At least constantly recurring stress. I rarely worry about things, i dont fret and fidget when things go bad, i just let it take its course. Maybe it sounds bad to say that i dont really get stressed out but its true. I dont have pet peeves, so people dont bother me either. Hm.
Oh yeah im a girl and im 19. im in school, i have a job, i have bills, just like regular people. What are your stressors and how do you cope?
i stress about a lot of things.
school
friends
money
social
usually i like to listen to music or talk to my family and friends.
family and money
I keep crying since i got divorced thursday, how do i cope with it?
Ive been staying in bed crying %26amp; trying to push myself out of bed.
now i even hate to get outside,
what shall i do?
i knew him since 1985 %26amp; got divorced the may 28th ( thursday) %26amp; its hard to cope with it. Please give me ideas of what to do.I keep crying since i got divorced thursday, how do i cope with it?
This whole thing has been very rough on you.
Now that it's over, the reality that it's over is still sinking in. You are sad because you do remember the good times. Also, even with his abuse and gambling and getting you evicted that you lived thought, there were good times too. It's also possible that you, someplace in the back of your mind, thought that maybe he would change and you could try again. That option is now gone.
From all you have said, you are much better off with out him and his crazy GF. Let them go out of your life. I know easier said that done.
Right now, you are going to have to force yourself to get out of bed. When you are laying there crying all you are thinking about is the divorce. I know it's hard, but you must get out and do somethings to get your mind off the divorce even for a few minutes at first.
All of here can offer advice and help, but some of it has to come from inside you too. We're all making the effort to help, now you have to make an effort to help yourself too. We will still be here to offer what we can as you take the slow painful steps into your new life of freedom and future happiness.
Just my thoughtsI keep crying since i got divorced thursday, how do i cope with it?
you need to get out of bed and look at the rest of your life it will be with good out him i know it is hard but laying in bed won't fix anything you have to move forward take care of you i divorced my husband in may 1992 the 21st. so it was hard he was my first love but i have a great life with out him so you can do it too just trust in yourself to do more for yourself than he could you'll be fine
it's like a death. you're grieving.
i went through this too. give your self permission to grieve. my therapist who counseled me through this said a gallon of tears out of each eye. there were times i sat and howled, when i was alone, of course. and waves of anger at him and the addiction that destroyed our marriage. antidepressants don't help grief.
well meaning people will try to get you on antidepressants becuase your grieving makes them uncomfortable. or they will tell you ';you should be past this by now';.
honestly my grieving took on many forms, including staying home and being alone for a year or so. i just wanted to be left alone. Kind of ';hid'; in my lovely home. emotionally felt like i was walking through molasses. it was just the thing I needed because i am all better now. But my friends accused me of ';isolating';, like this was a bad thing.
at about the year and a half mark, I started to venture out, because I wanted to, not because THEY wanted me to. started having fun again.
I am at the two year mark now and not even thinking about HIM or the divorce anymore. planning my future, but trying to live on a limited budget.
I'm not sure why your so focused on your divorce? Apparently your actual marriage was over long ago and you did nothing to save it at that time. A divorce is an official ending, but your actual marriage ended long ago . . . you should be mourning that . . . not the fact the courts made it official.
As much as I know you have heard this, it will get better in time.
Do something you knew he hated you to do! Then go out and
rent you a good movie and your favorite dinner and enjoy!
If you can't help yourself, talk to a psychologist.
Go out with your girlfriends and drink it up!
You're in my prayers. God can help.
Man up *itch, Man up!
now i even hate to get outside,
what shall i do?
i knew him since 1985 %26amp; got divorced the may 28th ( thursday) %26amp; its hard to cope with it. Please give me ideas of what to do.I keep crying since i got divorced thursday, how do i cope with it?
This whole thing has been very rough on you.
Now that it's over, the reality that it's over is still sinking in. You are sad because you do remember the good times. Also, even with his abuse and gambling and getting you evicted that you lived thought, there were good times too. It's also possible that you, someplace in the back of your mind, thought that maybe he would change and you could try again. That option is now gone.
From all you have said, you are much better off with out him and his crazy GF. Let them go out of your life. I know easier said that done.
Right now, you are going to have to force yourself to get out of bed. When you are laying there crying all you are thinking about is the divorce. I know it's hard, but you must get out and do somethings to get your mind off the divorce even for a few minutes at first.
All of here can offer advice and help, but some of it has to come from inside you too. We're all making the effort to help, now you have to make an effort to help yourself too. We will still be here to offer what we can as you take the slow painful steps into your new life of freedom and future happiness.
Just my thoughtsI keep crying since i got divorced thursday, how do i cope with it?
you need to get out of bed and look at the rest of your life it will be with good out him i know it is hard but laying in bed won't fix anything you have to move forward take care of you i divorced my husband in may 1992 the 21st. so it was hard he was my first love but i have a great life with out him so you can do it too just trust in yourself to do more for yourself than he could you'll be fine
it's like a death. you're grieving.
i went through this too. give your self permission to grieve. my therapist who counseled me through this said a gallon of tears out of each eye. there were times i sat and howled, when i was alone, of course. and waves of anger at him and the addiction that destroyed our marriage. antidepressants don't help grief.
well meaning people will try to get you on antidepressants becuase your grieving makes them uncomfortable. or they will tell you ';you should be past this by now';.
honestly my grieving took on many forms, including staying home and being alone for a year or so. i just wanted to be left alone. Kind of ';hid'; in my lovely home. emotionally felt like i was walking through molasses. it was just the thing I needed because i am all better now. But my friends accused me of ';isolating';, like this was a bad thing.
at about the year and a half mark, I started to venture out, because I wanted to, not because THEY wanted me to. started having fun again.
I am at the two year mark now and not even thinking about HIM or the divorce anymore. planning my future, but trying to live on a limited budget.
I'm not sure why your so focused on your divorce? Apparently your actual marriage was over long ago and you did nothing to save it at that time. A divorce is an official ending, but your actual marriage ended long ago . . . you should be mourning that . . . not the fact the courts made it official.
As much as I know you have heard this, it will get better in time.
Do something you knew he hated you to do! Then go out and
rent you a good movie and your favorite dinner and enjoy!
If you can't help yourself, talk to a psychologist.
Go out with your girlfriends and drink it up!
You're in my prayers. God can help.
Man up *itch, Man up!
I'm feeling a little down about my current house-hold situation?
My mom is bipolar and schitzophrenic and she has just recently decided to move out of the house. Anyone have some usefull advice on how to cope with a parents divorce because I'm still in shock that it's actually happening. I mean, ';why me?';I'm feeling a little down about my current house-hold situation?
Get over the why me deal--it is a shock and a disappointment--but it is life. You can't help--maybe a professional could have. It is a shame to watch a destructive force take hold of a family. The life your mom had was torture for her and the family--not exactly what she wanted--for sure. I am sure it was a terrible chain of events to see a family unit be affected by your mom's disorders. Mental issues are the worst next to terminal illnesses......I am hoping you will be strong for who is around and looking to you for strength and support and understanding. Good luck to you.I'm feeling a little down about my current house-hold situation?
1.It has nothing to do with you ,even though you may feel it does.
2.Everything will be OK..Maybe they will both become much happier now..Wouldn't that be cool?
3.My parents and millions of other parents are divorced.
I don't know why,but it seems the norm now.
Also,you will get more presents now on holidays...
lots of parents divorse. mine divorsed, i divorsed then with my husband. so just grow up. life is not about u only and world didn't stop spinning when u were born
Get over the why me deal--it is a shock and a disappointment--but it is life. You can't help--maybe a professional could have. It is a shame to watch a destructive force take hold of a family. The life your mom had was torture for her and the family--not exactly what she wanted--for sure. I am sure it was a terrible chain of events to see a family unit be affected by your mom's disorders. Mental issues are the worst next to terminal illnesses......I am hoping you will be strong for who is around and looking to you for strength and support and understanding. Good luck to you.I'm feeling a little down about my current house-hold situation?
1.It has nothing to do with you ,even though you may feel it does.
2.Everything will be OK..Maybe they will both become much happier now..Wouldn't that be cool?
3.My parents and millions of other parents are divorced.
I don't know why,but it seems the norm now.
Also,you will get more presents now on holidays...
lots of parents divorse. mine divorsed, i divorsed then with my husband. so just grow up. life is not about u only and world didn't stop spinning when u were born
How do I cope with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic?
I do not believe in divorce, I love him and so do my children. It is difficult to see the one you love struggle.How do I cope with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic?
Hi Linda. I understand. Alcohol is like any other substance - meaning - alcohol or drugs - both the same. I say that because I'm passing on advice based on personal experience with someone in my family who was/is an addict. You may have some experience with dealing with the day to day life of an alcoholic but what you are saying about loving him and not wanting to leave means this: you cannot change the alcoholic, you can only change yourself.
Ask yourself these few questions: Are you trying to interfere with the natural consequences that your husband should be dealing with because of his drinking?
Are you trying to do for him what he should do for himself?
Are you doing what you think is best for him or for yourself and your kids?
Sometimes, the most compassionate thing you can do for your alcoholic/addict is to let them take responsibility for their own actions.
Keep loving him Linda, but love him in a way that you can still continue to love yourself. Make some small changes in your own life. Demonstrate to him AT ALL TIMES that you are important. If you don't look after yourself, you absolutely cannot look after him. Could I suggest a book for you. It was my lifesaver. My addict is three years clean now but I read a page of this book every day. It's called COURAGE TO CHANGE and is published by Al-Anon Family Groups. Get in touch with them, even if its just to get this book.
My love and thougts are with you, I know your pain.
The Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
How do I cope with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic?
Linda, you are a good woman, most others would have been out of there with the kids at the first sign of trouble, forgetting the ';for better or worse'; vow they made.
You do not say if he is abusive, is he just down a lot?
If this is the case, then he is looking for the endorphin rush that he is, at present, getting from the bottle, and not from life.
You need to get him doing stuff that gives him as good a feeling as the drink does.
Getting him out of the house to do stuff, would, I assume be difficult, OK, you have to start slowly, and sex is a good start. If he, or you, have a fantasy, start there...and keep going...an orgasm is a good substitute for an alcoholic high, for anybody.
If you have never traditionally drunk alcohol with dinner, send the kids out to a babysitter, and you and him spend the evening together, cook him a meal of comfort foods, that he loves. Can't cook? Order some in, it tastes just as good, dress up, sexy, and seduce him. Make it obvious that you do love him, with touches, cuddles, kisses, and saying it, love is also a good substitute for alcohol.
Also, make sure someone, even one of the kids, is able to see him at all times. Alcoholics who know they have problems can prefer to drink in private, so do not give him that opportunity.
Finally, if he is keeping bottles in the house, suggest he keeps them in a locked cupboard, INSIDE, with the key outside in the garage so that it is not a simple matter to just go and have a drink. Keep bottles of juice in the fridge so that he can imitate the action he wants to do, without the undesirable consequences. Of course, suggesting the latter is not going to be easy, but if you can pick a time when he is sober, to discuss this, and, if you know that he does want to get off the drink, then he will likely be prepared to try this.
Good luck, if this starts him on the road to recovery, keep filling his time with endorphin raising activities...like dancing, playing ball games with the kids, going for bicycle rides with the kids. It does eventually happen. I was not an alcoholic, but I did drink a fair bit, I stopped when I moved in with my partner who provided me with a lot of love, and was a companion with whom to do the activities that were such a good substitute for the drink. I also made sure there was no alcohol in the house that I could get my hands on.
Make sure you and your kids are not ';enabling'; him in any way, or making excuses for him as was more or less mentioned earlier. You must understand ';co-dependancy'; and how it affects the entire family. I don't think you can live with an alcoholic and not have problems with co-dependancy.
If any of you enable him in any way...Stop. Make sure you and the kids are the priority....and you may have to make a hard choice...and so might he. How badly do his actions affect your family ? If they do, lay the law down...you can still love him and not allow the behavior...and he can make a choice between his family and alcohol. It usually has to be a very hard hitting in the face reality of him loosing everything before (he) will make that right choice...and you can support him in recovery if he will go that route. Just think about how much damage he may be doing to the rest of you, please study up on co-dependancy, and you take control of your life and your kids...and control what you will accept and not from him
It is difficult, but you need to either get him help or get away from him for your sake and especially for the sake of your children..you are choosing to be with this man and by allowing this behavior you are condoning it..however, you children did not ask for this and you are putting them at a very serious risk and giving them scars that will take many many years to heal...
I also grew up with an alcoholic, a functioning one. I never knew who I was coming home to. I love my father but wish my mom would have left him. Your husband is the one making the choice on divorce, you know - booze or family. It's his call, not your's. All you are doing is saying what behavior is not healthy for your family.
well you can try to do things with him during the hours that he usually drinks. if you do it often it could break his pattern/cycle of drinking. if he enjoys himself more often maybe he'll slow down. good luck
i grew up with an alcoholic. you know that you are risking your childrens futures. there is a HUGE chance that they will have issues when they get older. you need to tell him that he needs to clean up or move out.
Check out section 52 of my website, on alcohol, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and contact the various organisations shown.
alcoholics hm.. your kids could be at risk
i would try and get him some help or just talk to him about it
Hi Linda. I understand. Alcohol is like any other substance - meaning - alcohol or drugs - both the same. I say that because I'm passing on advice based on personal experience with someone in my family who was/is an addict. You may have some experience with dealing with the day to day life of an alcoholic but what you are saying about loving him and not wanting to leave means this: you cannot change the alcoholic, you can only change yourself.
Ask yourself these few questions: Are you trying to interfere with the natural consequences that your husband should be dealing with because of his drinking?
Are you trying to do for him what he should do for himself?
Are you doing what you think is best for him or for yourself and your kids?
Sometimes, the most compassionate thing you can do for your alcoholic/addict is to let them take responsibility for their own actions.
Keep loving him Linda, but love him in a way that you can still continue to love yourself. Make some small changes in your own life. Demonstrate to him AT ALL TIMES that you are important. If you don't look after yourself, you absolutely cannot look after him. Could I suggest a book for you. It was my lifesaver. My addict is three years clean now but I read a page of this book every day. It's called COURAGE TO CHANGE and is published by Al-Anon Family Groups. Get in touch with them, even if its just to get this book.
My love and thougts are with you, I know your pain.
The Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.
How do I cope with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic?
Linda, you are a good woman, most others would have been out of there with the kids at the first sign of trouble, forgetting the ';for better or worse'; vow they made.
You do not say if he is abusive, is he just down a lot?
If this is the case, then he is looking for the endorphin rush that he is, at present, getting from the bottle, and not from life.
You need to get him doing stuff that gives him as good a feeling as the drink does.
Getting him out of the house to do stuff, would, I assume be difficult, OK, you have to start slowly, and sex is a good start. If he, or you, have a fantasy, start there...and keep going...an orgasm is a good substitute for an alcoholic high, for anybody.
If you have never traditionally drunk alcohol with dinner, send the kids out to a babysitter, and you and him spend the evening together, cook him a meal of comfort foods, that he loves. Can't cook? Order some in, it tastes just as good, dress up, sexy, and seduce him. Make it obvious that you do love him, with touches, cuddles, kisses, and saying it, love is also a good substitute for alcohol.
Also, make sure someone, even one of the kids, is able to see him at all times. Alcoholics who know they have problems can prefer to drink in private, so do not give him that opportunity.
Finally, if he is keeping bottles in the house, suggest he keeps them in a locked cupboard, INSIDE, with the key outside in the garage so that it is not a simple matter to just go and have a drink. Keep bottles of juice in the fridge so that he can imitate the action he wants to do, without the undesirable consequences. Of course, suggesting the latter is not going to be easy, but if you can pick a time when he is sober, to discuss this, and, if you know that he does want to get off the drink, then he will likely be prepared to try this.
Good luck, if this starts him on the road to recovery, keep filling his time with endorphin raising activities...like dancing, playing ball games with the kids, going for bicycle rides with the kids. It does eventually happen. I was not an alcoholic, but I did drink a fair bit, I stopped when I moved in with my partner who provided me with a lot of love, and was a companion with whom to do the activities that were such a good substitute for the drink. I also made sure there was no alcohol in the house that I could get my hands on.
Make sure you and your kids are not ';enabling'; him in any way, or making excuses for him as was more or less mentioned earlier. You must understand ';co-dependancy'; and how it affects the entire family. I don't think you can live with an alcoholic and not have problems with co-dependancy.
If any of you enable him in any way...Stop. Make sure you and the kids are the priority....and you may have to make a hard choice...and so might he. How badly do his actions affect your family ? If they do, lay the law down...you can still love him and not allow the behavior...and he can make a choice between his family and alcohol. It usually has to be a very hard hitting in the face reality of him loosing everything before (he) will make that right choice...and you can support him in recovery if he will go that route. Just think about how much damage he may be doing to the rest of you, please study up on co-dependancy, and you take control of your life and your kids...and control what you will accept and not from him
It is difficult, but you need to either get him help or get away from him for your sake and especially for the sake of your children..you are choosing to be with this man and by allowing this behavior you are condoning it..however, you children did not ask for this and you are putting them at a very serious risk and giving them scars that will take many many years to heal...
I also grew up with an alcoholic, a functioning one. I never knew who I was coming home to. I love my father but wish my mom would have left him. Your husband is the one making the choice on divorce, you know - booze or family. It's his call, not your's. All you are doing is saying what behavior is not healthy for your family.
well you can try to do things with him during the hours that he usually drinks. if you do it often it could break his pattern/cycle of drinking. if he enjoys himself more often maybe he'll slow down. good luck
i grew up with an alcoholic. you know that you are risking your childrens futures. there is a HUGE chance that they will have issues when they get older. you need to tell him that he needs to clean up or move out.
Check out section 52 of my website, on alcohol, at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris and contact the various organisations shown.
alcoholics hm.. your kids could be at risk
i would try and get him some help or just talk to him about it
What happens if wife does not sign divorce papers?
My wife decided she was very unhappy with being married to me and wanted us to go our separate ways and wanted us to sell our house. We put our house on the market but then she asked if she could get a loan and buy me out which I agreed to. We got separation papers signed back on Sept. 13 2006 and her loan finally got approved Dec. 2006 and I was able to purchase a house that same month. By doing this I lost a great deal of money if we had sold the house instead but I did not want her to be miserable so I allowed her to have the house and give me $25,000. Since then she has fallen on hard times and is severely depressed and has not worked in months but I have moved on and trying to cope the best I can. I filed for divorce yesterday but was wondering although we have separation papers signed with both agreeing on everything what happenes if she refuses to sign the papers. How long can this go on like that in the state of Virginia?What happens if wife does not sign divorce papers?
You have to take her to courtWhat happens if wife does not sign divorce papers?
i live in MO...i don't know about Virginia, but, i think that once the papers are filed, the proceedings go on and a judge can grant you a divorce whether she wants one or not
like anywhere else, if she is not going to cooperate she'll have to be served, forced to court dates etc, you'll almost certainly need a lawyer. she can string it out for months at least I imagine.
LOL....I would just tell my attorney to tell her (or her attorney) that SHE wanted it this way....remember that SHE wanted the seperation in the first place....I would take the $25,000 and buy a mobile home, cheap...put it on a lot and find another girl...they (women) are on every street corner, pimpin' themselves out....LMFAO...this one is so simple....whatever you do...STAND YOUR GROUND OR YOU ARE SCREWED!!!!
If she never signs, the judge will order the marriage dissolved. You cannot stop a divorce when 1 party wants out.
if she dosen't sign the papers than trick her on signing the papers and than if you want just leave.
the divorce should proceed, once the court gets the papers, a court date will be set, she can respond or not respond but it will not stop the divorce. but she can always change her mind and not agree to what was agreed to in the divorce. sounds as if she is having second thoughts, i would get an attorney if u don't already have one. she can respond any way she wants in the divorce, and change the whole deal unfortunately.
then you don't get divorced. don't you have a lawyer for this? aske them.
Talk to your attorney... You may be able to get the judge to grant the divorce anyway...
You have to take her to courtWhat happens if wife does not sign divorce papers?
i live in MO...i don't know about Virginia, but, i think that once the papers are filed, the proceedings go on and a judge can grant you a divorce whether she wants one or not
like anywhere else, if she is not going to cooperate she'll have to be served, forced to court dates etc, you'll almost certainly need a lawyer. she can string it out for months at least I imagine.
LOL....I would just tell my attorney to tell her (or her attorney) that SHE wanted it this way....remember that SHE wanted the seperation in the first place....I would take the $25,000 and buy a mobile home, cheap...put it on a lot and find another girl...they (women) are on every street corner, pimpin' themselves out....LMFAO...this one is so simple....whatever you do...STAND YOUR GROUND OR YOU ARE SCREWED!!!!
If she never signs, the judge will order the marriage dissolved. You cannot stop a divorce when 1 party wants out.
if she dosen't sign the papers than trick her on signing the papers and than if you want just leave.
the divorce should proceed, once the court gets the papers, a court date will be set, she can respond or not respond but it will not stop the divorce. but she can always change her mind and not agree to what was agreed to in the divorce. sounds as if she is having second thoughts, i would get an attorney if u don't already have one. she can respond any way she wants in the divorce, and change the whole deal unfortunately.
then you don't get divorced. don't you have a lawyer for this? aske them.
Talk to your attorney... You may be able to get the judge to grant the divorce anyway...
How can you cope with tragedy during pregnancy?
Sometimes life strike with tragedy and this can happen at any time
(Family sickness or death, infertility, Bankrupcy, Divorce, Not having who can take care of a disabled close relative, etc.)
I am 15 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I am facing one of those tragedies
I am trying real hard to stay focused on my health, specially my emosional health
What can I do to ensure I can survive this hard times and not affect my baby?
My life has been turned inside out
I have gone through hard times before but now I am sharing my body with this inocent new life.
I am so scared of hurting him
I have heard of women miscarrying out of a traumatic event
If any of you have had this misfortune, would you be so kind to share some enlightment?How can you cope with tragedy during pregnancy?
I lost my mama to cancer when I was pregnant with my first son. She found out she had cancer in january and less than a month later she left this world. We were totally unprepared for this loss- nobody wants to lose their mama, especially at such a time when you should be out looking at baby things ';oo'ing'; and ';ahh'ing'; together. Anyways, I was having big problems with my baby's father (had my heart torn out and thrown in the garbage disposal basically) and cried just about every night for months. Now, I look at my son and think of what a sweet little boy he is. He had to deal with all his mommy's hurt and pain and mourning, and he came out as such a happy and sweet little boy. He's 6 years old now, helps me with his new little brother and has hugs and kisses for everyone. Don't worry about your baby- they can find the love and live off of that and just grow into happy little kids. I guess what I'm saying is that find something, anything that makes you happy- it might just be the fact that you're growing a wonderful new baby and cling to it. You'll smile to yourself knowing that you just felt your baby kick you in the bladder and you have to jump up and run to the bathroom. ;-)
Congrats on your new baby and cope the best you can. =)How can you cope with tragedy during pregnancy?
When I was pregnant with my daughter my best friend's mom died, and my closest Uncle died. It was very, very hard, but you have to get through it for your baby's sake. Just try and get out and take your mind off things. Go to a movie preferably a comedy. Go out with friends, distract yourself. I was depressed, and had lost 2 people in my life. My daughter didn't really laugh until she was 15 months old, a few times for her brother, but that was it. Now she's a very normal, sweet, funny 22 month old. Good luck, and take it easy!
I was 7 months pregnant when my niece was killed in a car accident. I stayed with my sister for the first week and a half after. Holding it all in so that I could be strong for her. My best advice would be to surround your self with supportive friends and family and when you need to cry, just do it. (aside from a c-section, the birth went fine and he is a bundle of energy today)
Yes,i have had that problem,and developed a serious illness after the Baby(a Boy) came 28 yrs ago.Please for your own sake,take care of yourself!
When you bottle up things, they get worse, causing more stress. Just have a good cry and talk to someone about it. If I can't talk to anyone, I just write how I'm feeling. Usually when I'm done, I feel a lot better about the situation.stars myspace school loans
(Family sickness or death, infertility, Bankrupcy, Divorce, Not having who can take care of a disabled close relative, etc.)
I am 15 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I am facing one of those tragedies
I am trying real hard to stay focused on my health, specially my emosional health
What can I do to ensure I can survive this hard times and not affect my baby?
My life has been turned inside out
I have gone through hard times before but now I am sharing my body with this inocent new life.
I am so scared of hurting him
I have heard of women miscarrying out of a traumatic event
If any of you have had this misfortune, would you be so kind to share some enlightment?How can you cope with tragedy during pregnancy?
I lost my mama to cancer when I was pregnant with my first son. She found out she had cancer in january and less than a month later she left this world. We were totally unprepared for this loss- nobody wants to lose their mama, especially at such a time when you should be out looking at baby things ';oo'ing'; and ';ahh'ing'; together. Anyways, I was having big problems with my baby's father (had my heart torn out and thrown in the garbage disposal basically) and cried just about every night for months. Now, I look at my son and think of what a sweet little boy he is. He had to deal with all his mommy's hurt and pain and mourning, and he came out as such a happy and sweet little boy. He's 6 years old now, helps me with his new little brother and has hugs and kisses for everyone. Don't worry about your baby- they can find the love and live off of that and just grow into happy little kids. I guess what I'm saying is that find something, anything that makes you happy- it might just be the fact that you're growing a wonderful new baby and cling to it. You'll smile to yourself knowing that you just felt your baby kick you in the bladder and you have to jump up and run to the bathroom. ;-)
Congrats on your new baby and cope the best you can. =)How can you cope with tragedy during pregnancy?
When I was pregnant with my daughter my best friend's mom died, and my closest Uncle died. It was very, very hard, but you have to get through it for your baby's sake. Just try and get out and take your mind off things. Go to a movie preferably a comedy. Go out with friends, distract yourself. I was depressed, and had lost 2 people in my life. My daughter didn't really laugh until she was 15 months old, a few times for her brother, but that was it. Now she's a very normal, sweet, funny 22 month old. Good luck, and take it easy!
I was 7 months pregnant when my niece was killed in a car accident. I stayed with my sister for the first week and a half after. Holding it all in so that I could be strong for her. My best advice would be to surround your self with supportive friends and family and when you need to cry, just do it. (aside from a c-section, the birth went fine and he is a bundle of energy today)
Yes,i have had that problem,and developed a serious illness after the Baby(a Boy) came 28 yrs ago.Please for your own sake,take care of yourself!
When you bottle up things, they get worse, causing more stress. Just have a good cry and talk to someone about it. If I can't talk to anyone, I just write how I'm feeling. Usually when I'm done, I feel a lot better about the situation.
How do i deal with my parents divorce and moving?
my parents split about a week ago. my dad already moved out and i have to live with him. i love this house and i love my mom dearly. i don't know if i can stand it. is there any advice you can give me to cope with leaving my beloved house, and my mom? if so please help.How do i deal with my parents divorce and moving?
I dont think there is a specific way to cope with what you are dealing with right now. None of us here in 'answers' will help you how you want. the best thing would be to talk to your best friend, or someone that you feel you can trust other than your parents. Im going through the same, although my parents are not splitting up (although I can feel a divorce really close) i talk to my best friend, since she constantly goes through the same .. she understands me. It feels nice to talk to someone, its like lifting something that has been pressing against your chest. Try it.
- Good Luck.How do i deal with my parents divorce and moving?
When my parents split ti was one of the hardest things i ever had to go through. it seems like dumb parents these days just cant stay together. it was werid because my dads and my moms side of the family were close. any ways what helped me is being with friends. i found myself alot of good people at my church who helped me. if you dont go to church, go with a friend! the things that made me feel the worse was when i was by myself or my parents tried to talk to me about it. so mainly i would just soround myself with fun people, but people that i could talk to when i felt downabout the whole thing. i hope this helped. remember god is always with you even whenyou think hes not!
Be flexible. Also, give more effort and learning how to adapt to your surrounding and appreciate what you have. Not everyone is fortunate to say that they have a mom or dad.
Be blessed.
I dont think there is a specific way to cope with what you are dealing with right now. None of us here in 'answers' will help you how you want. the best thing would be to talk to your best friend, or someone that you feel you can trust other than your parents. Im going through the same, although my parents are not splitting up (although I can feel a divorce really close) i talk to my best friend, since she constantly goes through the same .. she understands me. It feels nice to talk to someone, its like lifting something that has been pressing against your chest. Try it.
- Good Luck.How do i deal with my parents divorce and moving?
When my parents split ti was one of the hardest things i ever had to go through. it seems like dumb parents these days just cant stay together. it was werid because my dads and my moms side of the family were close. any ways what helped me is being with friends. i found myself alot of good people at my church who helped me. if you dont go to church, go with a friend! the things that made me feel the worse was when i was by myself or my parents tried to talk to me about it. so mainly i would just soround myself with fun people, but people that i could talk to when i felt downabout the whole thing. i hope this helped. remember god is always with you even whenyou think hes not!
Be flexible. Also, give more effort and learning how to adapt to your surrounding and appreciate what you have. Not everyone is fortunate to say that they have a mom or dad.
Be blessed.
My husband wants a divorce now I've been going through a depression, how do I cope?
My husband says that we got married solely because we havea child together and he doesn't think that's enough to sustain a marriage. I understand why he wants a divorce but I feel so depressed without him. I always have a feeling of hopelessness and pessimism. He's afraid for our daughter because he thinks I'm suicidal but I'm just trying to figure out how to cope with not being with him. I love him too much to just let him go. How do I cope with losing the love of my life? Please help.My husband wants a divorce now I've been going through a depression, how do I cope?
sorry to hear you are getting a divorce, i never want to feel what you may be feeling. you say he got married because you have a child, how long have you been married? believe me one thing i know is would you rather hurt short term or long term... you will either have to try patching up what ever else is wrong or, just let him go. i know you dont want to be with someone who Is not in love you . sure he loves you and he will always be in your life because you have a child, so let him go if you have to,and if its meant to be you will get back together again. my boyfriend left me when i was pregnant, and came back and married me after one year, and we are so happy, '; remember when you were younger, that guy you used to date forever, the one you thought you would never get over or live without';........you got over him!!!My husband wants a divorce now I've been going through a depression, how do I cope?
i have been divorced twice and although happily married now i would always say best answer is to REFUSE divorce and do everything possible to fight it. working things out is ALWAYS easier in the long run unless there is SEVERE abuse.
I hate to say it but try to start dating. Once you get treated better by someone you will be all for it.
Serina dear....take a deep breath. This is a beautiful world and you want to rejoice in it. Do just 3 things to begin. 1) Get a lot of exercise. Walk, run, put a tape n and dance. Work out for an hour or so every day and think of nothing else. 2) Travel to India 3) Give me a call when you're here.
You should seek GOD first.
You see,
the Lord is your foundation and if you don't have God in both your lives, then you have both built your home on quicksand.
God is what keeps the family together.
';A family who prays together stays together.';
Put God first and HE will bless you and your family.
You both just have to have faith and believe in HIM. With God in your lives, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
Seek, submit, repent, and be saved.
I will say a prayer for you and your family to seek the Lord Jesus Christ whole-heartedly.
-God Bless.
-Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,'; declares the LORD, ';plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
-Matthew 7:24
[ The Wise and Foolish Builders ] ';Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.
-Luke 6
The Wise and Foolish Builders
46';Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 47I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. 48He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.';
Your never going to let him go. You two have a daughter together you will always be connected in some way. Perhaps you did get married for the wrong reasons and would make better friends. You need to see a doctor about your depression and remember that you are no only living for yourself but you are living for your daughter. He is only a small part of you and she is your world. I understand without him there would be no her but you have better things to do then dwell on a relationship that isnt working. There will be other guys he is not the only one you will ever love. It will be ok.
He already said why he married you.
Why on earth would you want to stay in a realtionship like that?
You need to find someone that will love you back.
If you also think you are sucidal you need a professional to help you. Check with your local Health Dept.
And don't do anything silly.
In the future you will look back at this, and just laugh.
Good luck to you.
A marriage with one-way love is not going to do anybody good. You are just denying the truth. People get divorced everyday and they survive.
you need to just let him go. if he doesnt have the love you for you as you have for him the relationship isnt going to go anywhere but down hill. Think about your daughter she doesnt need to see that happen so to end it earlier it will be easier for her and for you. You deserve better. In the end maybe he will realize what he is missing out on. (you) Always remember your daughter needs you she should be the most important thing in your life. And if you feel like committing suicide I know its easier to say this then experiencing it myself but just dont do it your daughter needs you there for her and seek out for professional help and try to be with your family.
-They say: Better to have loved and lost ,than never to have known love at all.You have loved, Now it is time to move on.
-If you have not been to counseling it may be advisable to try that avenue and see whether you can save the marriage.
-However If no affection remains then all is lost, and it may be best to part ways so that your daughter can begin to adjust and you may commence the healing process.
I have been going thru a divorce for 2 years from a husband that asked for a divorce after 18 years. I was only 37 at the time w/two kids and he was in Japan and found someone else. I begged to get counseling, but came to the realization that you can't make someone love you. The best thing you can do is love yourself and your children from this point on and get counseling for all of you. Usually employers will offer some type of counseling services thru your medical provider or thru a company help line. Check w/your human resources department if employed. If you are not employed, check w/your county services for resources to get counseling for yourself to help deal with the life changing event that is ';divorce';. It affects people different ways, but I too had to come to grips with losing someone that I still loved, but no longer loved me. You can't force them to stay. And it's ok to cry. But one day, you will realize that the tears have stopped. I guarantee it. I happened to me after about 2-3 months. Just take it a day at a time and get personal counseling for yourself and your children and that will help you cope with this life changing event.
sorry to hear you are getting a divorce, i never want to feel what you may be feeling. you say he got married because you have a child, how long have you been married? believe me one thing i know is would you rather hurt short term or long term... you will either have to try patching up what ever else is wrong or, just let him go. i know you dont want to be with someone who Is not in love you . sure he loves you and he will always be in your life because you have a child, so let him go if you have to,and if its meant to be you will get back together again. my boyfriend left me when i was pregnant, and came back and married me after one year, and we are so happy, '; remember when you were younger, that guy you used to date forever, the one you thought you would never get over or live without';........you got over him!!!My husband wants a divorce now I've been going through a depression, how do I cope?
i have been divorced twice and although happily married now i would always say best answer is to REFUSE divorce and do everything possible to fight it. working things out is ALWAYS easier in the long run unless there is SEVERE abuse.
I hate to say it but try to start dating. Once you get treated better by someone you will be all for it.
Serina dear....take a deep breath. This is a beautiful world and you want to rejoice in it. Do just 3 things to begin. 1) Get a lot of exercise. Walk, run, put a tape n and dance. Work out for an hour or so every day and think of nothing else. 2) Travel to India 3) Give me a call when you're here.
You should seek GOD first.
You see,
the Lord is your foundation and if you don't have God in both your lives, then you have both built your home on quicksand.
God is what keeps the family together.
';A family who prays together stays together.';
Put God first and HE will bless you and your family.
You both just have to have faith and believe in HIM. With God in your lives, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
Seek, submit, repent, and be saved.
I will say a prayer for you and your family to seek the Lord Jesus Christ whole-heartedly.
-God Bless.
-Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,'; declares the LORD, ';plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
-Matthew 7:24
[ The Wise and Foolish Builders ] ';Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.
-Luke 6
The Wise and Foolish Builders
46';Why do you call me, 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do what I say? 47I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. 48He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.';
Your never going to let him go. You two have a daughter together you will always be connected in some way. Perhaps you did get married for the wrong reasons and would make better friends. You need to see a doctor about your depression and remember that you are no only living for yourself but you are living for your daughter. He is only a small part of you and she is your world. I understand without him there would be no her but you have better things to do then dwell on a relationship that isnt working. There will be other guys he is not the only one you will ever love. It will be ok.
He already said why he married you.
Why on earth would you want to stay in a realtionship like that?
You need to find someone that will love you back.
If you also think you are sucidal you need a professional to help you. Check with your local Health Dept.
And don't do anything silly.
In the future you will look back at this, and just laugh.
Good luck to you.
A marriage with one-way love is not going to do anybody good. You are just denying the truth. People get divorced everyday and they survive.
you need to just let him go. if he doesnt have the love you for you as you have for him the relationship isnt going to go anywhere but down hill. Think about your daughter she doesnt need to see that happen so to end it earlier it will be easier for her and for you. You deserve better. In the end maybe he will realize what he is missing out on. (you) Always remember your daughter needs you she should be the most important thing in your life. And if you feel like committing suicide I know its easier to say this then experiencing it myself but just dont do it your daughter needs you there for her and seek out for professional help and try to be with your family.
-They say: Better to have loved and lost ,than never to have known love at all.You have loved, Now it is time to move on.
-If you have not been to counseling it may be advisable to try that avenue and see whether you can save the marriage.
-However If no affection remains then all is lost, and it may be best to part ways so that your daughter can begin to adjust and you may commence the healing process.
I have been going thru a divorce for 2 years from a husband that asked for a divorce after 18 years. I was only 37 at the time w/two kids and he was in Japan and found someone else. I begged to get counseling, but came to the realization that you can't make someone love you. The best thing you can do is love yourself and your children from this point on and get counseling for all of you. Usually employers will offer some type of counseling services thru your medical provider or thru a company help line. Check w/your human resources department if employed. If you are not employed, check w/your county services for resources to get counseling for yourself to help deal with the life changing event that is ';divorce';. It affects people different ways, but I too had to come to grips with losing someone that I still loved, but no longer loved me. You can't force them to stay. And it's ok to cry. But one day, you will realize that the tears have stopped. I guarantee it. I happened to me after about 2-3 months. Just take it a day at a time and get personal counseling for yourself and your children and that will help you cope with this life changing event.
Going through a lot of depression with a divorce anyone been through this have any advice how to cope?
My ex and I are getting divorced and we have one son. She doesn't want to reconcile, I do and she is already seeing someone else while we are living together. I would do anything to get things back to a better place because I really wanted this family to stay together but I guess it is too late. She plans on moving out in a few months to her fathers which is in the next state. My biggest dream just got flushed down the toilet. I am so sad and depressed. Has anyone gone through this and how did you cope? When did life start getting back to normal. Crazy thing is that she seems to be happier even though we broke up only a month ago. She says she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. I am going nuts, can't sleep at night while she goes out dating this other guy.Going through a lot of depression with a divorce anyone been through this have any advice how to cope?
One of you should move out. Living together still is destructive, particularly for you. Then, go out and find a new relationship. It may seem difficult to get started, but go for it.Going through a lot of depression with a divorce anyone been through this have any advice how to cope?
Hang in there guy ....what you need is to go hang out with some uplifting buddies ...You are bound to find yourself a nice woman how will apreciate you ...maybe rub your back and feet too ! Sorry but yourso called soon to be EX .will rot in hell somewhere you deserve BETTTER and you will find and GET A WHOLE LOT BETTER elsewhere ! You just have not met her yet GIVE IT A SHOT !
Oh and pray real hard ALWAYS !
a little booze wont hurt no one
sorry this wont help much. I got D'd six years ago,. I did not want to, we could have worked on couselling ( I tried v. hard, he was resistant but that is marriage- you have to support and work on it), and so I didn't want to D him.
I was depressed and seeing phychiatrist for being so depressed and living not in my home, but in an apt.
I miss him every day and want to get back all the time.Every time I go hom I get excited, then remember I am not going hom. I have not got back to normal, I hate feeling this way and want to be happy but the love has gopne- he was the love, And even though yes the love came from me, I need to be in that partnership to be full.
Im sorry , not much help. Please stay good friends. At least you have that. But don't know if that makes it worse.
How do I cope, I email him and think about getting back together all the time. but like I said, maybe that's not good to think.
For me it helps to stay really good friends.
If you're not good friends when you're together in anycase it is bad. SO I feel good he is my best friend.
She is only rebounding with that guy. DOn't think about that/
I have a male friend who is going through this EXACT situation(except she made him leave the home). She is refusing to reconcile and seeing the man who she had been cheating with the last couple of years behind his back. Believe me, she'll have hers coming. Remember, what comes around goes around. Most of the time the ';lovers'; involved, rarely marry the cheating spouse. Once you divorce, more than likely, he'll dump her for a woman he can trust and respect to not cheat(that will always be in the back of his mind if he marries her, which is why he probably won't. She doesn't realize that though because she thinks she's ';in love.'; She'll know though once her heart is broken and maybe then she'll be able to feel and understand the pain she caused you. Often it takes having to be hurt in order to reflect on how we've treated someone else. As for now, she has her head in the clouds.) Hang in there man, it hurts but life will get easier. Find someone who is not going to treat you this way, no one deserves to be cheated on(esp right in front of their face). I would tell her she needs to leave the home if she is going to continue that relationship because right now, she is disrespecting you and the marriage. Why should she be able to fool around and then come home?
People always think the grass is always greener on the other side until they get over there and see that it's full of poop!
There may be a longing for freedom and a single life again. However, the matter is not as simple as that. Said sociologist Robert Weiss: “People need to understand that divorce is drastic surgery.”
Such expressions indicate the pain that can come from severing the bonds that once existed. These bonds between man and wife include those that are physical, emotional, mental and, in some cases, spiritual. To cut all that asunder is indeed “drastic surgery.” And this is not surprising when we consider what the Maker of marriage, Almighty God, said after establishing the first such union: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.”—Genesis 2:24.
If your marriage is in danger, think carefully. And think again. Is it possible that your marriage can be saved, and thus you and those involved can be spared the agonizing consequences, of which we have discussed only a few?
Recall the happiness of your courting days. What went wrong after that? Is it your mate’s fault or yours? Or both? Has there been a failure in three of the basic requirements of a good marriage—communication, cooperation and consideration? Even if your failures have been only partly to blame, have you said “sorry”? Just saying that sincerely and humbly can often free a deadlock in the marital partnership.
Of course, marriage problems often become so complicated that man and wife are no longer able to correct them without help. But where can a person go for help? There are many marriage counselors in this world, and often their advice is helpful. Yet, because there is no common standard among them, their views may be contradictory. What a marriage in trouble needs is the very best counsel that comes from the most reliable source. Where can it be found?
The best counsel on marriage comes from the One who has the best knowledge of human nature, and the most experience. The Creator, the Almighty God Jehovah, made man and woman. He brought them together in the first marriage. He has had thousands of years of experience in viewing marriage. Hence, when he gives us counsel in his inspired Word, the Bible, it works! When both parties in a marriage adhere to God’s counsel, serious marriage troubles can be avoided or solved if they do appear. And often, where only one mate works hard to apply the counsel, good results can still be obtained.
Among Jehovah’s Witnesses there are many men and women with a deep understanding of marital problems. They can give counsel that many others cannot. Why? Because they adhere strictly to the best standards, those that God lays down in his own Word. If your marriage is in trouble, why not discuss it with them? Since they may not be your parents or close friends, they can take an impartial view.
Stay involved without being involved. In other words, know what's going on but try to stay detached from it. Sounds difficult but it's easy to do once you realize that you're only hurting yourself by worrying about it. Obviously she's doing what she thinks she wants. It's very very hard to say this because you're in pain from the whole thing but here it is: If you truly love her let her go. Focus on your son and making sure this whole thing isn't messing his life up. If it's meant to be she will wake up and realize that she has made a huge mistake. If not, then you're better off anyway because someone else is coming along for you who's better suited to you. Keep your chin up.
SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN.
but at least she let you know rather than cheat on you, right? Who knows how long she has been unhappy, maybe she has put effort in seeing change, had she ever brought up the topic of seperation before? Maybe she's going thru a phase in her life where she wants to branch out, and try a new romance, i dont know how old you guys were when y ou got married, but.
idk seriously, you guys have a kid together so you will forever be connected, make sure and take her to court for visitation rights as you should stay in your childs life.
Other than that, again im sorry for your pain but, it takes 2 to make a relationship work.
its time to move on .I know FIRST hand how hard its for you but don't let your heart over rule your head its time to be real Davide the bill up go to court and get custody of your son and once this is done kick her to the curb becase years later you will allways will love her but deep in side you dont really trust her and that is #1 thing in marrage if she going out with guys in front of you gruss what she doing behind your back dont be a door mat I hope you all the best .
All though you may think it ...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Start doing the things you couldn't or would never do while you were married. Go see a show you know she would never want to see. Eat food that she would never fix for you. Do all those little things that use to annoy her. Hang out with friends you knew she couldn't stand. Just be rebellious in a sensible way. Things will get better with time. And then you'll start wondering why you didn't divorce sooner. Set new goals and dream bigger and better dreams. It will be all right.
One of you should move out. Living together still is destructive, particularly for you. Then, go out and find a new relationship. It may seem difficult to get started, but go for it.Going through a lot of depression with a divorce anyone been through this have any advice how to cope?
Hang in there guy ....what you need is to go hang out with some uplifting buddies ...You are bound to find yourself a nice woman how will apreciate you ...maybe rub your back and feet too ! Sorry but yourso called soon to be EX .will rot in hell somewhere you deserve BETTTER and you will find and GET A WHOLE LOT BETTER elsewhere ! You just have not met her yet GIVE IT A SHOT !
Oh and pray real hard ALWAYS !
a little booze wont hurt no one
sorry this wont help much. I got D'd six years ago,. I did not want to, we could have worked on couselling ( I tried v. hard, he was resistant but that is marriage- you have to support and work on it), and so I didn't want to D him.
I was depressed and seeing phychiatrist for being so depressed and living not in my home, but in an apt.
I miss him every day and want to get back all the time.Every time I go hom I get excited, then remember I am not going hom. I have not got back to normal, I hate feeling this way and want to be happy but the love has gopne- he was the love, And even though yes the love came from me, I need to be in that partnership to be full.
Im sorry , not much help. Please stay good friends. At least you have that. But don't know if that makes it worse.
How do I cope, I email him and think about getting back together all the time. but like I said, maybe that's not good to think.
For me it helps to stay really good friends.
If you're not good friends when you're together in anycase it is bad. SO I feel good he is my best friend.
She is only rebounding with that guy. DOn't think about that/
I have a male friend who is going through this EXACT situation(except she made him leave the home). She is refusing to reconcile and seeing the man who she had been cheating with the last couple of years behind his back. Believe me, she'll have hers coming. Remember, what comes around goes around. Most of the time the ';lovers'; involved, rarely marry the cheating spouse. Once you divorce, more than likely, he'll dump her for a woman he can trust and respect to not cheat(that will always be in the back of his mind if he marries her, which is why he probably won't. She doesn't realize that though because she thinks she's ';in love.'; She'll know though once her heart is broken and maybe then she'll be able to feel and understand the pain she caused you. Often it takes having to be hurt in order to reflect on how we've treated someone else. As for now, she has her head in the clouds.) Hang in there man, it hurts but life will get easier. Find someone who is not going to treat you this way, no one deserves to be cheated on(esp right in front of their face). I would tell her she needs to leave the home if she is going to continue that relationship because right now, she is disrespecting you and the marriage. Why should she be able to fool around and then come home?
People always think the grass is always greener on the other side until they get over there and see that it's full of poop!
There may be a longing for freedom and a single life again. However, the matter is not as simple as that. Said sociologist Robert Weiss: “People need to understand that divorce is drastic surgery.”
Such expressions indicate the pain that can come from severing the bonds that once existed. These bonds between man and wife include those that are physical, emotional, mental and, in some cases, spiritual. To cut all that asunder is indeed “drastic surgery.” And this is not surprising when we consider what the Maker of marriage, Almighty God, said after establishing the first such union: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh.”—Genesis 2:24.
If your marriage is in danger, think carefully. And think again. Is it possible that your marriage can be saved, and thus you and those involved can be spared the agonizing consequences, of which we have discussed only a few?
Recall the happiness of your courting days. What went wrong after that? Is it your mate’s fault or yours? Or both? Has there been a failure in three of the basic requirements of a good marriage—communication, cooperation and consideration? Even if your failures have been only partly to blame, have you said “sorry”? Just saying that sincerely and humbly can often free a deadlock in the marital partnership.
Of course, marriage problems often become so complicated that man and wife are no longer able to correct them without help. But where can a person go for help? There are many marriage counselors in this world, and often their advice is helpful. Yet, because there is no common standard among them, their views may be contradictory. What a marriage in trouble needs is the very best counsel that comes from the most reliable source. Where can it be found?
The best counsel on marriage comes from the One who has the best knowledge of human nature, and the most experience. The Creator, the Almighty God Jehovah, made man and woman. He brought them together in the first marriage. He has had thousands of years of experience in viewing marriage. Hence, when he gives us counsel in his inspired Word, the Bible, it works! When both parties in a marriage adhere to God’s counsel, serious marriage troubles can be avoided or solved if they do appear. And often, where only one mate works hard to apply the counsel, good results can still be obtained.
Among Jehovah’s Witnesses there are many men and women with a deep understanding of marital problems. They can give counsel that many others cannot. Why? Because they adhere strictly to the best standards, those that God lays down in his own Word. If your marriage is in trouble, why not discuss it with them? Since they may not be your parents or close friends, they can take an impartial view.
Stay involved without being involved. In other words, know what's going on but try to stay detached from it. Sounds difficult but it's easy to do once you realize that you're only hurting yourself by worrying about it. Obviously she's doing what she thinks she wants. It's very very hard to say this because you're in pain from the whole thing but here it is: If you truly love her let her go. Focus on your son and making sure this whole thing isn't messing his life up. If it's meant to be she will wake up and realize that she has made a huge mistake. If not, then you're better off anyway because someone else is coming along for you who's better suited to you. Keep your chin up.
SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN.
but at least she let you know rather than cheat on you, right? Who knows how long she has been unhappy, maybe she has put effort in seeing change, had she ever brought up the topic of seperation before? Maybe she's going thru a phase in her life where she wants to branch out, and try a new romance, i dont know how old you guys were when y ou got married, but.
idk seriously, you guys have a kid together so you will forever be connected, make sure and take her to court for visitation rights as you should stay in your childs life.
Other than that, again im sorry for your pain but, it takes 2 to make a relationship work.
its time to move on .I know FIRST hand how hard its for you but don't let your heart over rule your head its time to be real Davide the bill up go to court and get custody of your son and once this is done kick her to the curb becase years later you will allways will love her but deep in side you dont really trust her and that is #1 thing in marrage if she going out with guys in front of you gruss what she doing behind your back dont be a door mat I hope you all the best .
All though you may think it ...YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Start doing the things you couldn't or would never do while you were married. Go see a show you know she would never want to see. Eat food that she would never fix for you. Do all those little things that use to annoy her. Hang out with friends you knew she couldn't stand. Just be rebellious in a sensible way. Things will get better with time. And then you'll start wondering why you didn't divorce sooner. Set new goals and dream bigger and better dreams. It will be all right.
Divorce...........?
I thought I was ok with this, I had the whole thing planned out in my head....but the day he walked out that door was I think the hardest day of my life.
Now I dont know what I want to do, I was married to that man for almost 3 years, and now I don't know how I'm going to be able to cope walking into a quiet lonely house again.Divorce...........?
Find a support group for separated and divorced people. Go there and share your feelings honestly. You wil find the support you need until one day you realize now you are helping the newer people. It is a beautiful irony.
Good luck.Divorce...........?
You'll cope, because as the days pass, you'll realize that you are much better off, and you can move on with your life. Now that he's gone, you can actually start the rebuilding process of making yourself (and the house) happy again.
As a divorcee' I can tell you it does get easier. You have to remember the reason your marriage ended in the first place. You are going through a mourning period (like a death) and need to see it through. Make sure to stay active and devote as much time as you can to your child (i have been there) and remember that your child needs a healthy parent and stable home. keep your chin up, happiness does come.
chances are if he isn't yet involved with someone new, that theres still a chance to save the marriage if this is what u truly want. we can plan it, think its the best thing that could happen then when they do leave its often devastating on us, because its not really what we wanted, all we wanted was to be loved and understood. find him if u love him before someone else comes into the picture, and whatever problems are there work them out, because it sounds like u still love him. if he doesn't come back seek group therapy where there will be others like yourself like in a divorce recovery group, to guide u through this very unhappy time. surround yourself with people who can help u who understand what your going through.
Time will heal everything and you will be okay. A few years later you will look back and remember this like it wasn't a big deal at all. Spend time with your friends and family and stay strong. Go to the support group, if you feel lonely and have no one to talk to.
You will take it a day at a time. The first year might be the roughest, but you can get through it. I have been divorced for ten years now, and I thought that day he said he wanted a divorce would be the end of my life. However, I was wrong - it was the beginning of a new chapter.
I have struggled to get past the grief of losing a dream - being married to a man who loved me as much as I loved him. But life has gone on, and I have been driving the direction it has taken and not the other way around.
These first few months will be hard and difficult, but the best way is to take it a day at a time.
Now I dont know what I want to do, I was married to that man for almost 3 years, and now I don't know how I'm going to be able to cope walking into a quiet lonely house again.Divorce...........?
Find a support group for separated and divorced people. Go there and share your feelings honestly. You wil find the support you need until one day you realize now you are helping the newer people. It is a beautiful irony.
Good luck.Divorce...........?
You'll cope, because as the days pass, you'll realize that you are much better off, and you can move on with your life. Now that he's gone, you can actually start the rebuilding process of making yourself (and the house) happy again.
As a divorcee' I can tell you it does get easier. You have to remember the reason your marriage ended in the first place. You are going through a mourning period (like a death) and need to see it through. Make sure to stay active and devote as much time as you can to your child (i have been there) and remember that your child needs a healthy parent and stable home. keep your chin up, happiness does come.
chances are if he isn't yet involved with someone new, that theres still a chance to save the marriage if this is what u truly want. we can plan it, think its the best thing that could happen then when they do leave its often devastating on us, because its not really what we wanted, all we wanted was to be loved and understood. find him if u love him before someone else comes into the picture, and whatever problems are there work them out, because it sounds like u still love him. if he doesn't come back seek group therapy where there will be others like yourself like in a divorce recovery group, to guide u through this very unhappy time. surround yourself with people who can help u who understand what your going through.
Time will heal everything and you will be okay. A few years later you will look back and remember this like it wasn't a big deal at all. Spend time with your friends and family and stay strong. Go to the support group, if you feel lonely and have no one to talk to.
You will take it a day at a time. The first year might be the roughest, but you can get through it. I have been divorced for ten years now, and I thought that day he said he wanted a divorce would be the end of my life. However, I was wrong - it was the beginning of a new chapter.
I have struggled to get past the grief of losing a dream - being married to a man who loved me as much as I loved him. But life has gone on, and I have been driving the direction it has taken and not the other way around.
These first few months will be hard and difficult, but the best way is to take it a day at a time.
It has been 13 years and I am still having trouble coping with my parents' divorce? Can you help please?
My parents divorced when I was nine. As I got older, and more parts of the story came to light, I found out that his ';new'; wife was actually the homewrecker that broke up our family, was harassing my mother over the phone. I like her, I guess. But just the thought of it makes me wish for her demise.
And my father...
We're very close. And I do my best to put the whole thing out of my mind. Consciously, I know it's not my fault. That's what they tell you when your parents divorce. ';It's not your fault.'; But then whose was it? I love my father more than anything...but why would he leave us? For her? Were we not worth it to him? Any of us? Is that why he did what he did? How long had she been there? How can either of them stand to look at themselves in the mirror, knowing what they did to us?
I have another sister between me %26amp; my older brother %26amp; i can't help thinking, ';if it weren't for YOU, maybe he'd still be here.';
Maybe she thinks the same thing about me.It has been 13 years and I am still having trouble coping with my parents' divorce? Can you help please?
We cannot control other people's thoughts or actions or decisions. We can change no one except ourselves.
I'd ask you to consider getting help from a trained professional. Go to therapy or counseling so you can vent, deal with your feelings and also the issues you have.
While I understand what you wrote, (because my parents divorced when I was 26 and it was a MAJOR disaster for me and my brothers,) I got help -and I really think therapy helped me to see things in a different way. Time helped, of course.
So please start thinking about yourself and your well-being now. The past is gone, and there is nothing you can do to change it. Your parents made their decisions, and you have to accept them. Focus on your life now, and do whatever it takes to heal your mind and heart before you waste more time.
You are the architect of your own destiny.
You have to choose whether to continue feeling this way - paralyzed, unable to move on because of things that happened when you were a child- or be mature and take control of your life. Good luck.It has been 13 years and I am still having trouble coping with my parents' divorce? Can you help please?
Andrea, don't ever blame something that went on between two people on yourself. They are adults, and you were a child. Nothing a child does can affect an adult. And even if they were together, what kind of a relationship do you think would have continued? You should be glad he left, because your mom and your family doesn't deserve him. Please try talking to you parents, and maybe even a therapist. This resulted from way more than just you being there, come on. Get those thoughts out of your head, and I think talking about it will help you.
Good luck
I don't mean to sound cruel, but it's none of your business what happened between your father and mother. It's got nothing to do with the kids. It was an adult matter.
through my own relationships %26amp; seeing my parents divorce, if there is one thing I have learned is that it really does take two to make a relationship work %26amp; it takes those same two to destroy it. no matter what you think you know about your parent's marriage, you will never know everything, trust me.
you don't need to know the answers to all those questions you asked - whatever happened to cause their divorce, it was their fault, not yours, not your sister's, but theirs %26amp; yes, your stepmother choose to get involved with a married man %26amp; that is wrong, but it is the past %26amp; at some point, you have to learn to forgive %26amp; forget. I have a stepsibling who harbored a lot of anger about their parents break up %26amp; it has only made for an anger,bitter %26amp; unhappy person with 4 failed marriages, but once they learned to forgive, they are so much happier %26amp; now in a stable relationship for the first time.
if you like your stepmother %26amp; you %26amp; your father have a close relationship, then try to stop worrying about what went wrong.
you can't change it, it kind of sounds to me like you might feel a little guilty for liking the stepmom %26amp; being close to your dad because you think you're betraying your mom. if that's the case, why don't you have a heart to heart with her about that -your present relationships with them, not your parents past relationships.
My ex-husband and I divorced when my son was 10. He was cheating on my with my best friend who also had children to someone in the same family. My son was very confused and resented me for making his dad leave. At the time it was easy for me to blame him and say it was all his fault but the truth is, we were very young when we married and as we grew older we weren't the same people and weren't ';in love'; with each other any more. I didn't make him happy anymore and vice versa. Eventually my son realized in time that we just shouldn't be together anymore but it was difficult for him for a long time. Relationships don't come with a guarantee and if your new stepmom hadn't been there, eventually someone else would have been. Please try to forgive, life is too short and as life passes we lose too many of the people we love. Good luck.
honestly, you need to grow up and get over it.
Please take a few weeks here and look at the questions posed on this site to see HOW fathers treat their children when a divorce is looming. The children are almost irrelevant.
Not that you are. You never were, but your father switched his priorities around and you kids were caught in the crossfire.
Even at your older age, you still don't understand the complexities of divorce and the agony that goes with it. I hope you never know.
Their demise was of their own pitiful work. You had nothing to do with it.
Hello...I think that you are wrong to think of your ';step mom'; as a home wrecker...no one knows what went on but your dad, mom and step mom...naturally ';mom's'; tend to manipulate the situation because they are the ones hurt. I am not taking sides here...BUT...have you ever made a mistake? I feel that a parent for what ever reason should nto stay with someone just because he has a kid...NOR do I think that a child should suffer...a father even not being the picture can be a good father...and I also feel that you all of a sudden should not say she is a home wrecker just because of the story your mom says...your mom still may be heartbroken and resentful twoards this woman because she has your dad's heart...you know I mean what woman would feel that way...it is only natural. It is not that he left you...it is that for whatever reason he was unhappy...things happen for a reason. And I mean would you want to be forced to stay with someone...if you did not want to...just to make your mom or dad happy...I am sure your answer would be no...and that is exactly what your dad did...you say you love him more than anything...so from what I read sounds like he raised you pretty good...which is what should count...inspite of everything else he could have left without doing nothing for you...and he didnt which shows..he is a man that handle his ****. So like I said he was unhappy...I can realte because I started out young and had a child...I never marrie the person...but at that time being young I thought he was the guy for me...as I got older and started with my career come to find out he and I werent ment to be...and this is something yes you learn as you grow....unfortuanately a child came out of it...but you make the best of it...dont blame her...if it wasnt her it would have been someone else...your father was just not happy...things happen...people make mistakes...and they learn from it. I would not hold that against your dad or his new wife...or the new kids...especially them...
i dont know why he would leave u but he might have cause of her. i think u all r worth it and he couldnt stand to look at u all after realizing wat he had done myparents r still together but i know wat ur going through all of my friends parents r divorced but they dont take it very well. my gf parents r divorced
I have seen several divorces and not one of them was ever because of a child. Your dad was unhappy about something inside himself, you need to talk to him about his reason. I bet he wishes things had not happened that way either.
And my father...
We're very close. And I do my best to put the whole thing out of my mind. Consciously, I know it's not my fault. That's what they tell you when your parents divorce. ';It's not your fault.'; But then whose was it? I love my father more than anything...but why would he leave us? For her? Were we not worth it to him? Any of us? Is that why he did what he did? How long had she been there? How can either of them stand to look at themselves in the mirror, knowing what they did to us?
I have another sister between me %26amp; my older brother %26amp; i can't help thinking, ';if it weren't for YOU, maybe he'd still be here.';
Maybe she thinks the same thing about me.It has been 13 years and I am still having trouble coping with my parents' divorce? Can you help please?
We cannot control other people's thoughts or actions or decisions. We can change no one except ourselves.
I'd ask you to consider getting help from a trained professional. Go to therapy or counseling so you can vent, deal with your feelings and also the issues you have.
While I understand what you wrote, (because my parents divorced when I was 26 and it was a MAJOR disaster for me and my brothers,) I got help -and I really think therapy helped me to see things in a different way. Time helped, of course.
So please start thinking about yourself and your well-being now. The past is gone, and there is nothing you can do to change it. Your parents made their decisions, and you have to accept them. Focus on your life now, and do whatever it takes to heal your mind and heart before you waste more time.
You are the architect of your own destiny.
You have to choose whether to continue feeling this way - paralyzed, unable to move on because of things that happened when you were a child- or be mature and take control of your life. Good luck.It has been 13 years and I am still having trouble coping with my parents' divorce? Can you help please?
Andrea, don't ever blame something that went on between two people on yourself. They are adults, and you were a child. Nothing a child does can affect an adult. And even if they were together, what kind of a relationship do you think would have continued? You should be glad he left, because your mom and your family doesn't deserve him. Please try talking to you parents, and maybe even a therapist. This resulted from way more than just you being there, come on. Get those thoughts out of your head, and I think talking about it will help you.
Good luck
I don't mean to sound cruel, but it's none of your business what happened between your father and mother. It's got nothing to do with the kids. It was an adult matter.
through my own relationships %26amp; seeing my parents divorce, if there is one thing I have learned is that it really does take two to make a relationship work %26amp; it takes those same two to destroy it. no matter what you think you know about your parent's marriage, you will never know everything, trust me.
you don't need to know the answers to all those questions you asked - whatever happened to cause their divorce, it was their fault, not yours, not your sister's, but theirs %26amp; yes, your stepmother choose to get involved with a married man %26amp; that is wrong, but it is the past %26amp; at some point, you have to learn to forgive %26amp; forget. I have a stepsibling who harbored a lot of anger about their parents break up %26amp; it has only made for an anger,bitter %26amp; unhappy person with 4 failed marriages, but once they learned to forgive, they are so much happier %26amp; now in a stable relationship for the first time.
if you like your stepmother %26amp; you %26amp; your father have a close relationship, then try to stop worrying about what went wrong.
you can't change it, it kind of sounds to me like you might feel a little guilty for liking the stepmom %26amp; being close to your dad because you think you're betraying your mom. if that's the case, why don't you have a heart to heart with her about that -your present relationships with them, not your parents past relationships.
My ex-husband and I divorced when my son was 10. He was cheating on my with my best friend who also had children to someone in the same family. My son was very confused and resented me for making his dad leave. At the time it was easy for me to blame him and say it was all his fault but the truth is, we were very young when we married and as we grew older we weren't the same people and weren't ';in love'; with each other any more. I didn't make him happy anymore and vice versa. Eventually my son realized in time that we just shouldn't be together anymore but it was difficult for him for a long time. Relationships don't come with a guarantee and if your new stepmom hadn't been there, eventually someone else would have been. Please try to forgive, life is too short and as life passes we lose too many of the people we love. Good luck.
honestly, you need to grow up and get over it.
Please take a few weeks here and look at the questions posed on this site to see HOW fathers treat their children when a divorce is looming. The children are almost irrelevant.
Not that you are. You never were, but your father switched his priorities around and you kids were caught in the crossfire.
Even at your older age, you still don't understand the complexities of divorce and the agony that goes with it. I hope you never know.
Their demise was of their own pitiful work. You had nothing to do with it.
Hello...I think that you are wrong to think of your ';step mom'; as a home wrecker...no one knows what went on but your dad, mom and step mom...naturally ';mom's'; tend to manipulate the situation because they are the ones hurt. I am not taking sides here...BUT...have you ever made a mistake? I feel that a parent for what ever reason should nto stay with someone just because he has a kid...NOR do I think that a child should suffer...a father even not being the picture can be a good father...and I also feel that you all of a sudden should not say she is a home wrecker just because of the story your mom says...your mom still may be heartbroken and resentful twoards this woman because she has your dad's heart...you know I mean what woman would feel that way...it is only natural. It is not that he left you...it is that for whatever reason he was unhappy...things happen for a reason. And I mean would you want to be forced to stay with someone...if you did not want to...just to make your mom or dad happy...I am sure your answer would be no...and that is exactly what your dad did...you say you love him more than anything...so from what I read sounds like he raised you pretty good...which is what should count...inspite of everything else he could have left without doing nothing for you...and he didnt which shows..he is a man that handle his ****. So like I said he was unhappy...I can realte because I started out young and had a child...I never marrie the person...but at that time being young I thought he was the guy for me...as I got older and started with my career come to find out he and I werent ment to be...and this is something yes you learn as you grow....unfortuanately a child came out of it...but you make the best of it...dont blame her...if it wasnt her it would have been someone else...your father was just not happy...things happen...people make mistakes...and they learn from it. I would not hold that against your dad or his new wife...or the new kids...especially them...
i dont know why he would leave u but he might have cause of her. i think u all r worth it and he couldnt stand to look at u all after realizing wat he had done myparents r still together but i know wat ur going through all of my friends parents r divorced but they dont take it very well. my gf parents r divorced
I have seen several divorces and not one of them was ever because of a child. Your dad was unhappy about something inside himself, you need to talk to him about his reason. I bet he wishes things had not happened that way either.
How to get over a relationship your already in; how to let go?
i know they make books for everything ';how to win your dream guy';
';how to fall in love';
';how to cope with a painful divorce';
but is there any WEBSITES that teach you how to let go of someone who isnt good for you..and how to move on from them even if you love them and are in a relationship with them ??
i need this.i need to learn how to break up with this guy for goodHow to get over a relationship your already in; how to let go?
I'm glad I didn't have to find out how to do this is but I came really close
You have to weigh the benefits against the pain
If it really seems hopeless and the best path is to let go then you just have to learn to love yourself, believe in yourself, and give yourself the chance to be happy. It helps if you are surrounded by friends who love, support, %26amp; believe you deserve happiness.
I thought my situation was hopeless and I was in constant pain so I picked a date to actually let go and get on with the business of living
My friends had watched me mourn for almost a year and with their love %26amp; encouragement I was finally able to decide that I deserved to smile again from the heart. It is painful to reach that point but no matter your age you deserve a chance to live the happy life you were meant for..
I dont think any actual websites can offer more than platitudes, this is something you will have to do on your own.
If you ever want to talk my email is openHow to get over a relationship your already in; how to let go?
Okay hun this is something you have to do on your own. When you really want to let go of something youll let it go. of course you can read a ton of self help books but in all reality its up to you. really it is. I dont know why you feel like you cant let go.. and i dunno if this guy is a total jerk... but if he is hurting you in any way either physically mentally or emotionally...you need to get out.. and only you can make that decision...it all lies on you...I hope everything turns out well for you. let me know how it goes. i do wish you the best of luck. if ya need someone to talk to email me at mrqzmari@yahoo.com
yea just learn to say **** it its over and move on.
or just find someone who is better, to take your mind off the old.stars myspace school loans
';how to fall in love';
';how to cope with a painful divorce';
but is there any WEBSITES that teach you how to let go of someone who isnt good for you..and how to move on from them even if you love them and are in a relationship with them ??
i need this.i need to learn how to break up with this guy for goodHow to get over a relationship your already in; how to let go?
I'm glad I didn't have to find out how to do this is but I came really close
You have to weigh the benefits against the pain
If it really seems hopeless and the best path is to let go then you just have to learn to love yourself, believe in yourself, and give yourself the chance to be happy. It helps if you are surrounded by friends who love, support, %26amp; believe you deserve happiness.
I thought my situation was hopeless and I was in constant pain so I picked a date to actually let go and get on with the business of living
My friends had watched me mourn for almost a year and with their love %26amp; encouragement I was finally able to decide that I deserved to smile again from the heart. It is painful to reach that point but no matter your age you deserve a chance to live the happy life you were meant for..
I dont think any actual websites can offer more than platitudes, this is something you will have to do on your own.
If you ever want to talk my email is openHow to get over a relationship your already in; how to let go?
Okay hun this is something you have to do on your own. When you really want to let go of something youll let it go. of course you can read a ton of self help books but in all reality its up to you. really it is. I dont know why you feel like you cant let go.. and i dunno if this guy is a total jerk... but if he is hurting you in any way either physically mentally or emotionally...you need to get out.. and only you can make that decision...it all lies on you...I hope everything turns out well for you. let me know how it goes. i do wish you the best of luck. if ya need someone to talk to email me at mrqzmari@yahoo.com
yea just learn to say **** it its over and move on.
or just find someone who is better, to take your mind off the old.
How did you cope with separation?
For anyone who has gone through divorce %26amp; separation. How did you cope, i am having difficulties focussing on work, i feel restless and I dont understand why he didn't go to counselling with me, didn't he love me enough to do it? Any tips would be great, i am trying to be busy but I just have this huge hole in me that cant be filled. Everyday seems harder i wake up feeling like crap.How did you cope with separation?
It's usually harder on the person who did NOT want the divorce. It depends on many things, and what one chooses in their life. Instead of concentrating on what went wrong, take this time to find out who YOU are, and what YOU want to do with YOUR life. Contrary to popular belief, a husband is NOT a necessary commodity.How did you cope with separation?
PLEASE concentrate STRONGLY on YOU!
In a short while you'll be wondering why you even gave him your thoughts, let alone your love!
learn to let go, if he loved you enough, he woulda tried to fix the problem. pull yourself together and think, ';is it really worth it? is he having a hard time with coping? he knows it hurts, hes doing it to me. he knows what he is doing, ruining my life'; my mom had the sam eproblem, the beginning is great, but that was a joke. some people don't care about what theyre doing to the people they said to once love. Let go.
id like to slap that other person..anyways, i went through this. although i was the one who initiated the breakup, i still had feelings like this. i found that crying really got it out of me. i cried till i couldnt cry anymore. it started to make me sick and after awhile i couldnt do it. being busy didnt help me. i found it helped more when i just sat in the quiet and searched through my feelings..after a bit of this..again, i couldnt do it anymore, i got sick of thinking about it. it will get easier the more you look it in the face and deal with it. its the hard way..but really, you will be stronger after it. exercise helps too. i took an easy kickboxing class and pretend whatever i punched or kicked was my ex. i was exausted when i came home, so all i did was sleep really good, it would keep the feelings from welling up again. i was too tired. success is the best revenge for a breakup, put your efforts into that which it sounds like you are. sometimes talking to another man helps too. brings back your self esteem. go on plentyoffish.com..its free and has tons of men who just want to talk. ive met tons of friends on there. you could go on there and pretend you are someone else. advertise yourself as someone completely different from you..this takes time and would use up those hours of thinking. talking to people really helps..not about your situation..but about silly stuff..good luck with this. it takes time..but you'll get through it!
well give yourself a few good hard slaps around the face
to wake up to yourself
and get on with it
there is the hint - he does not want to work it out
and say GOODBYE!!!!
Yes, I went through both. At the same time, my dad was dignosed with cancer and was going to ultimately die. How did I cope? I cried .....a LOT. I walked the road outside my house...I prayed a LOT... worked feverishly at my job....ached, hurt, and lost weight. One day, I decided, you know what, I want this divorce! I am done with this marriage???, or whatever it was we had. I told her that, and went to the lawyer the next day to start it.....Total time between her leaving, and starting divorce...14 months! Good Luck to you! Time is a great friend!
If you let yourself feel down all the time,you will be.The secret is to keep as busy and occupied as you can.
Get up in the morning,grab your coffee and take a good walk even if it means getting up earlier than normal if you work.Walking is a wonderful outlet when you feel blue.Look around at all the wonderful world out there.Nature is beautiful.
Spend time with friends and family amd don't always talk about your problems.That's only more depressing.
Join a gym or women's group,spend time at the library,volunteer somewhere where you can appreciate how lucky you are when you look around at others who are not so fortunate as you and visit your church.They also have lots of groups you can get involved with.
Even grab a good book and get absorbed in it.
Obviously your husband wasn't interested in you any longer and who knows why these happen?You have to get over it and being very busy will help.Eventually the pain will start to go away and you'll look forward to making a new life for yourself.He's not worth all this turmoil in your life.You deserve a lot better.
All my best to you and God Bless.
it will get better. try seeing friends from work. for bowling movies or whatever.see a counseller, you need someone to talk to.you also need someone who is willing to work at a relationship.
I have been in your shoes. It is not easy.I had five children at the time.I made it thru and then met a wonderful man who helped me raise those kids. good luck and god bless
I don't know what works for everyone but for me it was going out with and talking to other men. There's something about being with a man after a bad relationship that just says ';Yeah I still got it!!';
Not sure if it's just the attention or the diversion but it got me through a tough time.
Only time will heal your hurt. BUT,,,,stop asking WHY!! You are tormenting yourself for no good reason. i do not know how old you are, but it took me about 43 years to figure out that I could not change other people, no matter how hard I tried.
Being busy is good, you must stay focused at work too, do not let your life spin out of control, make it your daily goal to maintain control. Things will get better, it sounds cliche, bit when one door closes another will open. Have faith, be good, sow seeds of good Karma. God Bless You.
Take if from an independent chic going through a divorce that should've been final 6 months ago but he hasn't acted on anything....
He loved you I'm sure. Its really not about love. He probably didn't want to go to counseling because he didn't want to take responsibility for anything. That would be admitting he was partially or completely wrong in whatever issues you guys had.
Be strong. You found the relationship wasn't working so you left. Good for you.
You will have good days and bad days. Give it time.
It's usually harder on the person who did NOT want the divorce. It depends on many things, and what one chooses in their life. Instead of concentrating on what went wrong, take this time to find out who YOU are, and what YOU want to do with YOUR life. Contrary to popular belief, a husband is NOT a necessary commodity.How did you cope with separation?
PLEASE concentrate STRONGLY on YOU!
In a short while you'll be wondering why you even gave him your thoughts, let alone your love!
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learn to let go, if he loved you enough, he woulda tried to fix the problem. pull yourself together and think, ';is it really worth it? is he having a hard time with coping? he knows it hurts, hes doing it to me. he knows what he is doing, ruining my life'; my mom had the sam eproblem, the beginning is great, but that was a joke. some people don't care about what theyre doing to the people they said to once love. Let go.
id like to slap that other person..anyways, i went through this. although i was the one who initiated the breakup, i still had feelings like this. i found that crying really got it out of me. i cried till i couldnt cry anymore. it started to make me sick and after awhile i couldnt do it. being busy didnt help me. i found it helped more when i just sat in the quiet and searched through my feelings..after a bit of this..again, i couldnt do it anymore, i got sick of thinking about it. it will get easier the more you look it in the face and deal with it. its the hard way..but really, you will be stronger after it. exercise helps too. i took an easy kickboxing class and pretend whatever i punched or kicked was my ex. i was exausted when i came home, so all i did was sleep really good, it would keep the feelings from welling up again. i was too tired. success is the best revenge for a breakup, put your efforts into that which it sounds like you are. sometimes talking to another man helps too. brings back your self esteem. go on plentyoffish.com..its free and has tons of men who just want to talk. ive met tons of friends on there. you could go on there and pretend you are someone else. advertise yourself as someone completely different from you..this takes time and would use up those hours of thinking. talking to people really helps..not about your situation..but about silly stuff..good luck with this. it takes time..but you'll get through it!
well give yourself a few good hard slaps around the face
to wake up to yourself
and get on with it
there is the hint - he does not want to work it out
and say GOODBYE!!!!
Yes, I went through both. At the same time, my dad was dignosed with cancer and was going to ultimately die. How did I cope? I cried .....a LOT. I walked the road outside my house...I prayed a LOT... worked feverishly at my job....ached, hurt, and lost weight. One day, I decided, you know what, I want this divorce! I am done with this marriage???, or whatever it was we had. I told her that, and went to the lawyer the next day to start it.....Total time between her leaving, and starting divorce...14 months! Good Luck to you! Time is a great friend!
If you let yourself feel down all the time,you will be.The secret is to keep as busy and occupied as you can.
Get up in the morning,grab your coffee and take a good walk even if it means getting up earlier than normal if you work.Walking is a wonderful outlet when you feel blue.Look around at all the wonderful world out there.Nature is beautiful.
Spend time with friends and family amd don't always talk about your problems.That's only more depressing.
Join a gym or women's group,spend time at the library,volunteer somewhere where you can appreciate how lucky you are when you look around at others who are not so fortunate as you and visit your church.They also have lots of groups you can get involved with.
Even grab a good book and get absorbed in it.
Obviously your husband wasn't interested in you any longer and who knows why these happen?You have to get over it and being very busy will help.Eventually the pain will start to go away and you'll look forward to making a new life for yourself.He's not worth all this turmoil in your life.You deserve a lot better.
All my best to you and God Bless.
it will get better. try seeing friends from work. for bowling movies or whatever.see a counseller, you need someone to talk to.you also need someone who is willing to work at a relationship.
I have been in your shoes. It is not easy.I had five children at the time.I made it thru and then met a wonderful man who helped me raise those kids. good luck and god bless
I don't know what works for everyone but for me it was going out with and talking to other men. There's something about being with a man after a bad relationship that just says ';Yeah I still got it!!';
Not sure if it's just the attention or the diversion but it got me through a tough time.
Only time will heal your hurt. BUT,,,,stop asking WHY!! You are tormenting yourself for no good reason. i do not know how old you are, but it took me about 43 years to figure out that I could not change other people, no matter how hard I tried.
Being busy is good, you must stay focused at work too, do not let your life spin out of control, make it your daily goal to maintain control. Things will get better, it sounds cliche, bit when one door closes another will open. Have faith, be good, sow seeds of good Karma. God Bless You.
Take if from an independent chic going through a divorce that should've been final 6 months ago but he hasn't acted on anything....
He loved you I'm sure. Its really not about love. He probably didn't want to go to counseling because he didn't want to take responsibility for anything. That would be admitting he was partially or completely wrong in whatever issues you guys had.
Be strong. You found the relationship wasn't working so you left. Good for you.
You will have good days and bad days. Give it time.
How can i help my son cope with all these changes?
My son is 3, and me and my husband (not his dad, but has been around since he was an infant) are getting a divorce. My soon to be ex, is being a big asss about it, and says since hes not his son, he doesnt want to keep seeing him. I dont know if hes just being a dick, or if he means it, but it worries me, because my son calls him dad, and hes the only dad my son has known. Not only that, we are moving, and since were moving kind of far away, he will be in a different daycare. So i am very nervous that all these changes are going to affect him seriously. He has already started sucking his thumb (never did before), so i can tell all the tension is already affecting him. Any tips on how to help him cope? Anything to make the move/transistion easier on him? Help!How can i help my son cope with all these changes?
Be his friend and mommy that is what he needs. Surround him as much as possible with familiar items and maybe at first make an acception and let him sleep in your room. Dedicate alot more time to him to show him that you love him and it isn't his fault. Do Not try to never bring up his ';dad'; again because he will want to talk and needs to know that is ok. As for your ex...joking or not he is a dick for acting like such an inconsiderate bastard. He is not only hurting you...which is mean...but more so he is hurting a 3 year old which is unacceptable. Good Luck.
P.S. Make sure to get him into playgroups so that he won't withdraw.How can i help my son cope with all these changes?
well since it is not his son and he didn't adopt the boy then he has no legal responsibility to him. to be honest if you two can't get along there is little motivation for him to come around. to be honest if i was in his shoes i wouldn't fight you to see him. anyways you need to go out of your way to comfort your son. hold him, play with him, what ever it is that you two usually do together. other than that you just need time and plenty of understanding.
He is going to feel some real insecurity for a while. Show him you love him and that you are never going to leave him. He needs to know that you will be there. Three is young to understand all the adult problems. At that age they can adjust better than older kids. Just give him lots of love.
All I can say is that if you don't ever plan on getting back together with your ex, you should let him go. Have him say goodbye to the young lad and let him be history. Since he is not the biological father, he would fade out of the picture real soon anyway. Better to let him go now so that your son doesn't do anymore bonding with him, that would just make things worst. As moving away is concerned, I think your son will adjust without to much of a problem. By this time next year this will all be a distant memory for him. Good luck.
your son is 3, in 6 months without seeing this man again he will not know him. If things are bad get out now before your son gets any older.
It would been hard for you to be at two different place at one time.He is so young %26amp; adorable son.His future is in your hand.
Spend time %26amp; be there for him that is the best medicine of all.You could seek help from the Family Care Service Centre for your boy.There you could have a proper guideline to handle your situation.All the best to you.
Not really, but that's okay. Take it from a ';son'; who's been through a devorce... and it was my real dad. It's going to take it's toll... just be there for him is the best thing you can do. Listen to him if he says someone is picking on him, he may be a bit over sensitive for a while and other's will not care... you'll need to care for them. Besides that, just be a mom and that's what he needs...
and on the sucking the thumb... dont worry about it... my brother did it for a while...if it doesn't stop after a few months try using a nasty tasting hand wash soap... so when he washes his hands he doesn't wanna suck his thumb anymore. ;)
Well since he's only three, buy him a lot of new toys and give it to him one by one. Don't be harsh with him at all, and spend a lot of time with him. He's really young and I really don't remember much from even four. The only things I remember were being at the pool and holding up my fingers at preschool to show how old I was. So really, if you just sort of shelter the fact that you're getting divorced and he won't be seeing his daddy anymore, he probably won't remember it. Plus kid's are cool with daycare. I remember one day hating a kid and then the next, they were my best friend.
This trick has worked in my family. Take your son to visit you exes mom dad sister or someone in his family's home. Say we just thought we should say goodbye for good. Since **** doesn't want to see (your sons name) anymore I thought I'd let him come say goodbye. I promise you the family will yell at him! Plus they'll make him feel like what he is! It is okay to let your son call him dad. To be honest to try and change that isn't right. Although you are not getting along with this man and your son is young he is stil important.
Nextly, the thumb sucking is probably just a phase. But in your new daycare center try to get your son to be social. If he has friends in school it will make him happier
Hope I helped
%26lt;333 Che Che
At that age the only thing they really understand is love. Make sure he feels the love and hope for the best.
if this man is serious, you shouldn't want him in your child's life. the thumbsucking does sound like a sign of stress which your son is too young to manage, if you can afford it (no rudeness intended) find a good therapist in the new area for your son. good luck and God bless!
If you have any brothers, even your own father, or any other males you are close to get them invovled in his life right away. Tell them to come take your son out on the regular. or just come over to spend some time with him often. That should help. Dont mention his ex step dad anymore. If he ask give him a simple answer and move on.
Leave hime if hes being an As ss!!!!
Be his friend and mommy that is what he needs. Surround him as much as possible with familiar items and maybe at first make an acception and let him sleep in your room. Dedicate alot more time to him to show him that you love him and it isn't his fault. Do Not try to never bring up his ';dad'; again because he will want to talk and needs to know that is ok. As for your ex...joking or not he is a dick for acting like such an inconsiderate bastard. He is not only hurting you...which is mean...but more so he is hurting a 3 year old which is unacceptable. Good Luck.
P.S. Make sure to get him into playgroups so that he won't withdraw.How can i help my son cope with all these changes?
well since it is not his son and he didn't adopt the boy then he has no legal responsibility to him. to be honest if you two can't get along there is little motivation for him to come around. to be honest if i was in his shoes i wouldn't fight you to see him. anyways you need to go out of your way to comfort your son. hold him, play with him, what ever it is that you two usually do together. other than that you just need time and plenty of understanding.
He is going to feel some real insecurity for a while. Show him you love him and that you are never going to leave him. He needs to know that you will be there. Three is young to understand all the adult problems. At that age they can adjust better than older kids. Just give him lots of love.
All I can say is that if you don't ever plan on getting back together with your ex, you should let him go. Have him say goodbye to the young lad and let him be history. Since he is not the biological father, he would fade out of the picture real soon anyway. Better to let him go now so that your son doesn't do anymore bonding with him, that would just make things worst. As moving away is concerned, I think your son will adjust without to much of a problem. By this time next year this will all be a distant memory for him. Good luck.
your son is 3, in 6 months without seeing this man again he will not know him. If things are bad get out now before your son gets any older.
It would been hard for you to be at two different place at one time.He is so young %26amp; adorable son.His future is in your hand.
Spend time %26amp; be there for him that is the best medicine of all.You could seek help from the Family Care Service Centre for your boy.There you could have a proper guideline to handle your situation.All the best to you.
Not really, but that's okay. Take it from a ';son'; who's been through a devorce... and it was my real dad. It's going to take it's toll... just be there for him is the best thing you can do. Listen to him if he says someone is picking on him, he may be a bit over sensitive for a while and other's will not care... you'll need to care for them. Besides that, just be a mom and that's what he needs...
and on the sucking the thumb... dont worry about it... my brother did it for a while...if it doesn't stop after a few months try using a nasty tasting hand wash soap... so when he washes his hands he doesn't wanna suck his thumb anymore. ;)
Well since he's only three, buy him a lot of new toys and give it to him one by one. Don't be harsh with him at all, and spend a lot of time with him. He's really young and I really don't remember much from even four. The only things I remember were being at the pool and holding up my fingers at preschool to show how old I was. So really, if you just sort of shelter the fact that you're getting divorced and he won't be seeing his daddy anymore, he probably won't remember it. Plus kid's are cool with daycare. I remember one day hating a kid and then the next, they were my best friend.
This trick has worked in my family. Take your son to visit you exes mom dad sister or someone in his family's home. Say we just thought we should say goodbye for good. Since **** doesn't want to see (your sons name) anymore I thought I'd let him come say goodbye. I promise you the family will yell at him! Plus they'll make him feel like what he is! It is okay to let your son call him dad. To be honest to try and change that isn't right. Although you are not getting along with this man and your son is young he is stil important.
Nextly, the thumb sucking is probably just a phase. But in your new daycare center try to get your son to be social. If he has friends in school it will make him happier
Hope I helped
%26lt;333 Che Che
At that age the only thing they really understand is love. Make sure he feels the love and hope for the best.
if this man is serious, you shouldn't want him in your child's life. the thumbsucking does sound like a sign of stress which your son is too young to manage, if you can afford it (no rudeness intended) find a good therapist in the new area for your son. good luck and God bless!
If you have any brothers, even your own father, or any other males you are close to get them invovled in his life right away. Tell them to come take your son out on the regular. or just come over to spend some time with him often. That should help. Dont mention his ex step dad anymore. If he ask give him a simple answer and move on.
Leave hime if hes being an As ss!!!!
Problem shaking the idea of being in a comitted relationship again after divorce...?
So, I've been divorced for a while now. Heartbreaking I know. I wanted to be divorced, but if you've been divorced you know that just going through it is heartbreaking enough. Anyway. I am in love again. I love my boyfriend dearly, he is amazing, and my best friend, and makes me so happy. However, I can't help but feel like things between him and I are going to ';blow up'; for lack of a better term. My ex-husband and I were very much in love when we first got together too, and it took a long time before I realized I no longer wanted to be married to him (reasons I won't get into).
When I was with my ex, in the begining, I would think about how I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with him, and of course that didn't work out. I'm starting to have a similar feeling now, but it's more like; I love spending my life with my bf now. I can't shake the fear of comitting to him and possibly end up going through another divorce.
How have you coped with the fear of getting into another comitted relationship after the heartbreak of break up or divorce from someone you truly cared about?Problem shaking the idea of being in a comitted relationship again after divorce...?
Your feelings here are quite normal, and with time they will disappear. Majority of couples that I have helped over many years have stated that it takes on average about two years before they were able to move onto another committed normal relationship. So given enough time, you too will change and be able to committ again and move on. Good luckProblem shaking the idea of being in a comitted relationship again after divorce...?
I was divorced and am now remarried. I know how you feel; believe me. I think that the emotions aren't as strong at first because of the fear, but the relationship I share with my husband now is so much better. After going through heartache, it is hard to trust again. It is a decision that you have to make. After you decide, ';hey, i'll free fall for love'; the relationship is so much better. You appreciate your relationship so much more.
Remove that fear from yu mind first.Believe in yuself first that things did not work according to yu expectations with yu ex-husband.Now yu have found a bf better trust him and enjoy life with him without any fear but i warn yu not to repeat the mistake again as yu had done with yu ex-husband.
I have never been divorced nor married yet, im young but i have been engaged. It didn't work out and we just broke up. Struggles teach us lessons if we let them. To me marriage is eternal, forever! Therefore marry someone who you won't give up on who won't give up on you. Someone you love hopefully!
Don't let the past affect your future. Push negative thoughts away. Try getting some individual counselling for yourself. A divorce is a very traumatic experience so it's normal to doubt commitment afterward but eventually you will move past it.
The first time is the worst.
The only way you will be comfortable comitting again is if you know for a fact you have dealt with your baggage. Have you taken responsiblity for your own failings? Have you learned what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again?
You write that you are ';in'; love again.. ';In'; love is a feeling, and it won't last forever. You need to get from ';in'; love to actual ';loving';. This is when you are able to acknowledge his flaws and accept that he is exactly who he is and you have to take him exactly who he is.
When I was with my ex, in the begining, I would think about how I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with him, and of course that didn't work out. I'm starting to have a similar feeling now, but it's more like; I love spending my life with my bf now. I can't shake the fear of comitting to him and possibly end up going through another divorce.
How have you coped with the fear of getting into another comitted relationship after the heartbreak of break up or divorce from someone you truly cared about?Problem shaking the idea of being in a comitted relationship again after divorce...?
Your feelings here are quite normal, and with time they will disappear. Majority of couples that I have helped over many years have stated that it takes on average about two years before they were able to move onto another committed normal relationship. So given enough time, you too will change and be able to committ again and move on. Good luckProblem shaking the idea of being in a comitted relationship again after divorce...?
I was divorced and am now remarried. I know how you feel; believe me. I think that the emotions aren't as strong at first because of the fear, but the relationship I share with my husband now is so much better. After going through heartache, it is hard to trust again. It is a decision that you have to make. After you decide, ';hey, i'll free fall for love'; the relationship is so much better. You appreciate your relationship so much more.
Remove that fear from yu mind first.Believe in yuself first that things did not work according to yu expectations with yu ex-husband.Now yu have found a bf better trust him and enjoy life with him without any fear but i warn yu not to repeat the mistake again as yu had done with yu ex-husband.
I have never been divorced nor married yet, im young but i have been engaged. It didn't work out and we just broke up. Struggles teach us lessons if we let them. To me marriage is eternal, forever! Therefore marry someone who you won't give up on who won't give up on you. Someone you love hopefully!
Don't let the past affect your future. Push negative thoughts away. Try getting some individual counselling for yourself. A divorce is a very traumatic experience so it's normal to doubt commitment afterward but eventually you will move past it.
The first time is the worst.
The only way you will be comfortable comitting again is if you know for a fact you have dealt with your baggage. Have you taken responsiblity for your own failings? Have you learned what went wrong and how to prevent it from happening again?
You write that you are ';in'; love again.. ';In'; love is a feeling, and it won't last forever. You need to get from ';in'; love to actual ';loving';. This is when you are able to acknowledge his flaws and accept that he is exactly who he is and you have to take him exactly who he is.
How can I help my boyfriend cope with his son lashing out because of his divorce?
Ok, my boyfriends son is having a hard time dealing with his parents divorce. It has been a year but things seem to be getting worse instead of better. His son has been asking lots of questions about the divorce. Which was caused by his mom's affair. She has since remarried. His dad and I have been dating for 5 months. He knows that his mom had an affair but still blames his dad. Now, he doesn't want to spend time with his dad and it is causing lots of pain. Any suggestions?How can I help my boyfriend cope with his son lashing out because of his divorce?
WHY does a little 5 year old know about his mom's sex life? This situation was on Dr. Phil this week and he gave the parents a tongue lashing for sharing the sordid details of the divorce. He doesn't need to assign blame, he needs to feel safe. He needs to hear his parents say only NICE things about each other. He needs to know that his parents aren't divorcing him, and that they will ALWAYS love him.
My suggestion is that his dad keep his hurt feelings away from his child and be that little boy's rock. Be the adult.How can I help my boyfriend cope with his son lashing out because of his divorce?
nothing, thats the price that selfish adults have to pay for emotionally destrying their kids hopes and trust in people.... i hate ppl who have kids n then divorce.... clearly his mum is a *****- smack her out- try to comfort the child with guidence and compassion....
xox goodluck
you can't help but a family counselor can
the kid is angry, he needs some help dealing with his situation and anger
Divorce is very hard on children. Even when parents move on the kids don't. How old is the son?
I had a similar situation and the son hated me and did everything he could to break up his father and I. It didn't work and the father had a long talk to his son about it. Maybe some counseling will help. How is he acting out?
The son should have never known that his mom had an affair.
EDIT: Sounds to me that the mom may be kinda brain washing the son. Your bf needs to have a calm conversation with her. He needs to explain that she is poisoning his mind and its not healthy for him. The mom needs to love her son more than she hates her former hubby.
Good luck
WHY does a little 5 year old know about his mom's sex life? This situation was on Dr. Phil this week and he gave the parents a tongue lashing for sharing the sordid details of the divorce. He doesn't need to assign blame, he needs to feel safe. He needs to hear his parents say only NICE things about each other. He needs to know that his parents aren't divorcing him, and that they will ALWAYS love him.
My suggestion is that his dad keep his hurt feelings away from his child and be that little boy's rock. Be the adult.How can I help my boyfriend cope with his son lashing out because of his divorce?
nothing, thats the price that selfish adults have to pay for emotionally destrying their kids hopes and trust in people.... i hate ppl who have kids n then divorce.... clearly his mum is a *****- smack her out- try to comfort the child with guidence and compassion....
xox goodluck
you can't help but a family counselor can
the kid is angry, he needs some help dealing with his situation and anger
Divorce is very hard on children. Even when parents move on the kids don't. How old is the son?
I had a similar situation and the son hated me and did everything he could to break up his father and I. It didn't work and the father had a long talk to his son about it. Maybe some counseling will help. How is he acting out?
The son should have never known that his mom had an affair.
EDIT: Sounds to me that the mom may be kinda brain washing the son. Your bf needs to have a calm conversation with her. He needs to explain that she is poisoning his mind and its not healthy for him. The mom needs to love her son more than she hates her former hubby.
Good luck
How to deal with guilt over the loss of a family member?
Almost two years ago to this date during my freshman year of college, my father shockingly passed away of a heart attack at the young age of 43. I grew up in an abusive environment, my father beat up my mom for no reason, causing me to develop an acute fear of him from as long as I can remember. One night during my sophomore year of high school, my father beat up my mom very badly breaking her nose, the site of all that blood on the floor is something that I will never forget. Long story short, I decided at that moment that enough was enough and we would never deal with this again, I called the police and a long divorce ensued. The next two years, I did not speak a word to him even though he reached out to me several times. Part of the reason was the fact that I was relieved to be away from him, and the other part was the fact that I always believed we would have time to mend our relationship, as I was his first son, and his favorite child which I am not saying is right ( I have two older sisters). We had just started seeing each other once again during my first year of college, we went out to dinner a couple times when my mother gave me the call one day to give me the news. Having spoken to his friends, most believe that his death was caused by the stress he was dealing in life fueled by the loss and isolation he suffered at our hands. I have coped with the loss in as healthy a way as possible, but am still bitter at how things played out. I feel guilty as I am the one that made the call which truly changed my families life forever, I try not to feel bad because my mother is the best person in my life, and I would die for her, the whole reason she put up with the abuse for 20 years was for me and my siblings. I do not really know what I want out of an answer, but have found myself crying in the library while working on a paper due tomorrow :(( The hardest part about the situation is that I know my father truly DID love us all, and he fully knew what it was like to feel like you have no family....
Having written this and giving myself a brief chance to organize my thoughts, I just want to express that the strength, determination, and loyalty a mother displays for her children is boundless, and that a child can never do anything to pay them back.How to deal with guilt over the loss of a family member?
Hi.... before I answer your question I want to say something about my dad. He wasn't violent but he was abusive and ripped my mum to shreds. we were always walking on eggshells. Dad eventually left when he started an affair. I made the decision that he should go. He has since remarried and his second wife cannot believe that her lovebear, sexpot etc etc etc could ever hurt anyone, it was his ***** ex wife... it was his needy children...
there's a book called the charm syndrome. I think its by Sandra Horley. i want you to read this book if you can find it. Violent men can also be charming men. Manipulative, and out and out liars. My feeling is that had his friends known the truth about your dad and the ';isolation'; they would not have said the things that have caused you so much pain today.
You saved your mum's life. You may not feel that way - but you did. Grieve for the man - and grieve for the father that you should have had, and for the husband that your mum should have had.. and yes grieve for him as he was. but please Please - do not allow his lies to destroy you. You had no choice that night.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxHow to deal with guilt over the loss of a family member?
I'm not very good at English, and I make lots of grammar mistakes, but still, I want to respond to your story.
... Who can pick one who did wrong.
You'd do it because you'd thought it has to be done, and it'd make the situation better...
..... Maybe the truth is that you did wrong.
Maybe the situation would've been better if you have talked to your father regularly and kept good relationship with him.
........nevertheless, I'm sure that you think much of your father since you feel guilty of his death
If you don't think much of him, you wouldn't feel guilty...
....
.. ..... . . There is no way you can apologize or say something to your father
But, if your father loves you (as you said), he wouldn't want you to suffer from sense of guilt.
,,, Are you thinking you have to feel guilty?
because you triggered the divorce and let your father be isolated, so you are responsible for the every incidents?
But I think you'd also have thought that guilt doesn鈥檛 makes anything better.
As you may already know, this is not a something that can be resolved by condemning faulty one
nor by repenting what you've done.
Something that you, your siblings and mother and your father who passed away
need is
.... . the painful, terrible memories, incidents, anger, resentment...
getting away from those painful emotions
(Not remembering those!)
but remembering...the feeling that none of your family could express, the feeling that all of your family wanted to have...
peace and happiness, love and care which were hided all the time....
Something you need is remembering your little love and your father's hidden love towards family
and forgiving your father鈥?br>
Realistically says, it鈥檚 no use to feel guilty.
Resentment, anger, rage, mistakes, blame....while you are thinking back the bad memories, you cannot get away from your discouraging feelings.
You know that every members of your family wanted to have happiness, secure, care and love in their inner heart
鈥ut it couldn't be expressed.
..
.. ..It鈥檚 impossible not to feel what you鈥檙e feeling now unless you have no human emotion at all.
But, if you want to compensate what you've done wrong,
then you have to apologize and be forgiven.....
That鈥檚 what you got to do.
Do you really want to get away from the guilt??
.. .. Maybe your feelings are so strong and you may think little of what I鈥檓 saying.
But, few months later, if you still feel guilty and if you remember what I said,
and if you really want to get away from the past,,,
Stop giving yourself an excuse!!!
You got to do your best to get away from it!
I want to introduce a method of dissolving your terribly tightened and heavy feelings.
,,,,,, just think your father is in front of you,
Just think you are seeing illusion or you are crazy
and pour your feeling out! Pour out heaps of word you wanted to say all the time.
Everything and every thought you have felt and thought, no matter what it is. A rage you felt, or a terrible memories or hatred, your agony, or sorrow, sadness, guilt, love, regret whatever!! that you couldn't have expressed frankly to anybody.
Just when nobody is there, give vent to your feelings in vacant room
to your real father.
Or if you prefer to write down, then you can write a 'real' letter to your father
and send it wherever you believe your father is. Heaven or grave or wherever, send it really.
.... . . . One more, if it helps you, I want to recommend you few books
Forgiving our parents our selves - by David Stoop and James Masellar
It's a pretty professional psychological book
but it tells you various way of resolving feelings
The lost art of forgiving - by Johann Christoph Arnold
Forgiving is not a choice but necessity.
It may sounds like religious, but you also know if you don't deal with this and just ignore this, then it will stay very inside of your heart and distress you continually and you'll never gonna get away from it until the end of your life.
Forgiving is not done easily or naturally but it's something you have to do your best like you decide to climb up the mountain Everest.
Remember this...
And I wish that you will be free from all of those distressing feelings and memories.
..and gain peace in your life.
Having written this and giving myself a brief chance to organize my thoughts, I just want to express that the strength, determination, and loyalty a mother displays for her children is boundless, and that a child can never do anything to pay them back.How to deal with guilt over the loss of a family member?
Hi.... before I answer your question I want to say something about my dad. He wasn't violent but he was abusive and ripped my mum to shreds. we were always walking on eggshells. Dad eventually left when he started an affair. I made the decision that he should go. He has since remarried and his second wife cannot believe that her lovebear, sexpot etc etc etc could ever hurt anyone, it was his ***** ex wife... it was his needy children...
there's a book called the charm syndrome. I think its by Sandra Horley. i want you to read this book if you can find it. Violent men can also be charming men. Manipulative, and out and out liars. My feeling is that had his friends known the truth about your dad and the ';isolation'; they would not have said the things that have caused you so much pain today.
You saved your mum's life. You may not feel that way - but you did. Grieve for the man - and grieve for the father that you should have had, and for the husband that your mum should have had.. and yes grieve for him as he was. but please Please - do not allow his lies to destroy you. You had no choice that night.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxHow to deal with guilt over the loss of a family member?
I'm not very good at English, and I make lots of grammar mistakes, but still, I want to respond to your story.
... Who can pick one who did wrong.
You'd do it because you'd thought it has to be done, and it'd make the situation better...
..... Maybe the truth is that you did wrong.
Maybe the situation would've been better if you have talked to your father regularly and kept good relationship with him.
........nevertheless, I'm sure that you think much of your father since you feel guilty of his death
If you don't think much of him, you wouldn't feel guilty...
....
.. ..... . . There is no way you can apologize or say something to your father
But, if your father loves you (as you said), he wouldn't want you to suffer from sense of guilt.
,,, Are you thinking you have to feel guilty?
because you triggered the divorce and let your father be isolated, so you are responsible for the every incidents?
But I think you'd also have thought that guilt doesn鈥檛 makes anything better.
As you may already know, this is not a something that can be resolved by condemning faulty one
nor by repenting what you've done.
Something that you, your siblings and mother and your father who passed away
need is
.... . the painful, terrible memories, incidents, anger, resentment...
getting away from those painful emotions
(Not remembering those!)
but remembering...the feeling that none of your family could express, the feeling that all of your family wanted to have...
peace and happiness, love and care which were hided all the time....
Something you need is remembering your little love and your father's hidden love towards family
and forgiving your father鈥?br>
Realistically says, it鈥檚 no use to feel guilty.
Resentment, anger, rage, mistakes, blame....while you are thinking back the bad memories, you cannot get away from your discouraging feelings.
You know that every members of your family wanted to have happiness, secure, care and love in their inner heart
鈥ut it couldn't be expressed.
..
.. ..It鈥檚 impossible not to feel what you鈥檙e feeling now unless you have no human emotion at all.
But, if you want to compensate what you've done wrong,
then you have to apologize and be forgiven.....
That鈥檚 what you got to do.
Do you really want to get away from the guilt??
.. .. Maybe your feelings are so strong and you may think little of what I鈥檓 saying.
But, few months later, if you still feel guilty and if you remember what I said,
and if you really want to get away from the past,,,
Stop giving yourself an excuse!!!
You got to do your best to get away from it!
I want to introduce a method of dissolving your terribly tightened and heavy feelings.
,,,,,, just think your father is in front of you,
Just think you are seeing illusion or you are crazy
and pour your feeling out! Pour out heaps of word you wanted to say all the time.
Everything and every thought you have felt and thought, no matter what it is. A rage you felt, or a terrible memories or hatred, your agony, or sorrow, sadness, guilt, love, regret whatever!! that you couldn't have expressed frankly to anybody.
Just when nobody is there, give vent to your feelings in vacant room
to your real father.
Or if you prefer to write down, then you can write a 'real' letter to your father
and send it wherever you believe your father is. Heaven or grave or wherever, send it really.
.... . . . One more, if it helps you, I want to recommend you few books
Forgiving our parents our selves - by David Stoop and James Masellar
It's a pretty professional psychological book
but it tells you various way of resolving feelings
The lost art of forgiving - by Johann Christoph Arnold
Forgiving is not a choice but necessity.
It may sounds like religious, but you also know if you don't deal with this and just ignore this, then it will stay very inside of your heart and distress you continually and you'll never gonna get away from it until the end of your life.
Forgiving is not done easily or naturally but it's something you have to do your best like you decide to climb up the mountain Everest.
Remember this...
And I wish that you will be free from all of those distressing feelings and memories.
..and gain peace in your life.
How to cope with stress!!??
with family fueds from 15yrs ago and recent divorces how can i cope with the stress of getting married with a family from hell by my side
they mean well for me and my partner and all promised to be civilized but i have 2weeks left and they are all still bickering and im the one suffering keep waking my partner up screaming and find it hard to get to sleep!!How to cope with stress!!??
My suggestion is to recruit a friend whose role is to serve as a buffer. My friend loved the challenge of stepping in the middle of things to make sure my day was my day and that for once I wasn't responsible for trying to keep the peace.How to cope with stress!!??
get drunk until its all overstars myspace school loans
they mean well for me and my partner and all promised to be civilized but i have 2weeks left and they are all still bickering and im the one suffering keep waking my partner up screaming and find it hard to get to sleep!!How to cope with stress!!??
My suggestion is to recruit a friend whose role is to serve as a buffer. My friend loved the challenge of stepping in the middle of things to make sure my day was my day and that for once I wasn't responsible for trying to keep the peace.How to cope with stress!!??
get drunk until its all over
How do I find my phsyciatric records?
My parents sent me to a phsyciatrist when I was 7 and 8, apparently I had a hard time coping with their divorce. I barely remember anything about these sessions. I was wondering if anyone knew if there was a way to find my records? I know what years they took place, the town, and the phsyciatrist's name. I tried googling her, the year , and the town in various combinations but came up with zilch. I also had a session with the top child phsyciatrist at the time, but I'm anaware who he was. It was 1993, 1994 when I saw him. Any input welcome.How do I find my phsyciatric records?
The psychiatrist you saw, especially if he was an NHS one, would have sent copies of everything that happened when she saw you and her conclusions to your GP, so the details should be amongst your general medical history. You are allowed to access copies of your medical notes, you just need to request this with reception staff at your surgery. Hope you find what you're looking for.
The psychiatrist you saw, especially if he was an NHS one, would have sent copies of everything that happened when she saw you and her conclusions to your GP, so the details should be amongst your general medical history. You are allowed to access copies of your medical notes, you just need to request this with reception staff at your surgery. Hope you find what you're looking for.
A surprise 50th for my mum.?
I am organizing a surprise 50th for my mum. She helped me through my anorexia when I felt I could trust no-one. She coped with the divorce of her and my dad. She works in a special needs school. She is an absolute saint and I love her. So I'm organizing a 50th birthday party. I've already booked the restaurant but by this Wednesday I have to hand in 拢5 for each guest attending so it will be fully booked. Then I have to pick up a menu and find out what everyone wants to eat. The thing is my mum's family live everywhere. Northampton. Oxford. London. The list goes on. And I only found out today that my uncle was no longer going to help me because I wouldn't do it his way. So I have to invite all of them. Find out what they want to eat. Get it all sorted. I am super stressed. Should I personally call them all or just send out an written invite done really nicely? How exactly am I going to produce 拢5 for each guest when I don't know who is even coming yet?
I need tips to stop me from turning into a headless chicken.
Surprise party tips too.A surprise 50th for my mum.?
It would be nice to have hand-written invitations, but as you have to let the restaurant know so soon you'll probably have to phone, email or text and explain how quickly you need to know if they're coming. Get an idea on how many you can pretty-well expect and pay the restaurant, telling them to give you a 5 person lee-way each way - which they should do seeing as they are going to do quite well out of the party.
Keep the menu options to 2, plus a vegetarian option, because after all, the guests are there for your mum so they'll have to understand how complicated the organization is, and to eat what's there. After all, you'd do the same.
Forget about your uncle - he'll probably come round in the end. You don't need extra worries - just concentrate on what you're doing for your mum. If he cared, he'd want the best for her. He's probably just sulking!!! You don't need his help.
Send all the guests a plan, or a web page giving exact directions for getting to the restaurant. Tell them you want them to be there at least half an hour before your mum arrives, too. Also tell the restaurant to expect that. They'll do well out of the pre-dinner drinks! If any guests need overnight accommodation, send them a list of hotels (or people with sofabeds willing to help out) so that they can sort themselves out.
A funny idea is to print life-size photos of the heads of people who can't make it and stick them on sticks so that they're there in mind, if not body.
Your mum is going to remember this special day for the rest of her life. Even if it doesn't turn out exactly how you'd planned - what's important is the thought and seeing all those people there for her. Expect lots of tears!!
YOU CAN DO IT! Just stay calm! Nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it!A surprise 50th for my mum.?
I'd send a nice invite and explain it has to be sorted asap. Ask them to email you back or text you to confirm they are coming. That way you will meet your deadline (hopefully). If the restaurant can't be a little flexible, find another one that will be.
And tell your uncle he is going to look really bad when you stand up at the dinner to toast your mom and then tell everyone how petty he was...
call everyone, keep the menu to only maybe three selections to keep it easier for the cooks/servers/and yourself! make sure to tell them it is a surprise party and to mark the date in their books. then send out party info and directions to all who will be attending after you get a head count.
when I had my moms 60th surprise party, I set it up so she thought I was taking her out to eat for her birthday to the place the party was at- then everyone was there waiting in the party room for us- she was very surprised! I had just gone there earlier in the day to decorate with some streamers and balloon arrangements. I also made a picture board of pics of my mom throughout her lifetime and had that set up on a table- she LOVED showing off all her pics to everyone at the party and everyone loved looking at them all!
I need tips to stop me from turning into a headless chicken.
Surprise party tips too.A surprise 50th for my mum.?
It would be nice to have hand-written invitations, but as you have to let the restaurant know so soon you'll probably have to phone, email or text and explain how quickly you need to know if they're coming. Get an idea on how many you can pretty-well expect and pay the restaurant, telling them to give you a 5 person lee-way each way - which they should do seeing as they are going to do quite well out of the party.
Keep the menu options to 2, plus a vegetarian option, because after all, the guests are there for your mum so they'll have to understand how complicated the organization is, and to eat what's there. After all, you'd do the same.
Forget about your uncle - he'll probably come round in the end. You don't need extra worries - just concentrate on what you're doing for your mum. If he cared, he'd want the best for her. He's probably just sulking!!! You don't need his help.
Send all the guests a plan, or a web page giving exact directions for getting to the restaurant. Tell them you want them to be there at least half an hour before your mum arrives, too. Also tell the restaurant to expect that. They'll do well out of the pre-dinner drinks! If any guests need overnight accommodation, send them a list of hotels (or people with sofabeds willing to help out) so that they can sort themselves out.
A funny idea is to print life-size photos of the heads of people who can't make it and stick them on sticks so that they're there in mind, if not body.
Your mum is going to remember this special day for the rest of her life. Even if it doesn't turn out exactly how you'd planned - what's important is the thought and seeing all those people there for her. Expect lots of tears!!
YOU CAN DO IT! Just stay calm! Nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it!A surprise 50th for my mum.?
I'd send a nice invite and explain it has to be sorted asap. Ask them to email you back or text you to confirm they are coming. That way you will meet your deadline (hopefully). If the restaurant can't be a little flexible, find another one that will be.
And tell your uncle he is going to look really bad when you stand up at the dinner to toast your mom and then tell everyone how petty he was...
call everyone, keep the menu to only maybe three selections to keep it easier for the cooks/servers/and yourself! make sure to tell them it is a surprise party and to mark the date in their books. then send out party info and directions to all who will be attending after you get a head count.
when I had my moms 60th surprise party, I set it up so she thought I was taking her out to eat for her birthday to the place the party was at- then everyone was there waiting in the party room for us- she was very surprised! I had just gone there earlier in the day to decorate with some streamers and balloon arrangements. I also made a picture board of pics of my mom throughout her lifetime and had that set up on a table- she LOVED showing off all her pics to everyone at the party and everyone loved looking at them all!
My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't know what to do?
My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 15 years, (I was dating his brother-in-law) but when he and his wife started going through a divorce, he literally sought me out. It was wonderful for the first 4 weeks. The first weeks he bought me roses and gifts, told me how things were going to be different for us than they were for him and his wife (they had financial difficulties) and he always talked about us long term. His parents thanked me me for being there for him while he is coping with the divorce and for helping him through the years of neglect he had with his wife. But last week he all but stopped calling or texting me and he would show up at my house later and later each night. He never bothered to call or show up last Friday, (he claimed he fell asleep when I went to his house to check on him. He has diabetes. I wasn't necessarily ';checking up on him';) and it finally came to a head last Saturday when I wasn't included on a family get-together. I know he wants to be with me, but I'm wondering if being with his (hopefully soon-to-be-ex) wife was ';comfortable and familiar';. He has 2 teenage daughters and they used to think a lot of me, but I wonder if they don't want daddy to date. Help me make heads or tails of all of this. I've never been in this kind of situation before and I don't know if I should stay in touch with him or give him space. (I've given ';space'; before and it didn't work out, so I'm not sure if this is the right way to handle things.) Can you help me? My boyfriend broke up with me and I don't know what to do?
its not worthy to get a lot of trama because of guy.. if he love you, he will do the rest.. just move on..
its not worthy to get a lot of trama because of guy.. if he love you, he will do the rest.. just move on..
Family cannot get over my divorce - strange?
My ex-husband and I were divorced back in 2001. There were no children from that marrige.
I was very religious (Christian) when I was married the first time, but very young and naive. My family are all very religious and nobody in our family has ever been divorced before. My mother has stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship with my dad due to religious convictions etc....
When I first announced that my ex-husband and I had separated, everyone was relieved and happy for me, as none of them had ever liked him.
But as things progressed and we eventually divorced, they started to feel uneasy about everything because they don't know how to cope with the issue of divorce.
I have since deconverted from religion, and have never been happier. I met the man of my dreams and have a wonderfully fulfilled life. We have a 15 month old daughter, and are now expecting our second.
The problem is that whenever I talk to my family or see them, my ex comes up in the conversation. I've moved on in such a wonderful direction and love my life. But it's like they just can't get over it or come to terms with it........ it's such a weird thing.
I don't want to be rude, but may have to start pretending like I don't know who they're talking about when they question me about things. They don't do it in an offensive way, but it is starting to feel offensive since it's been about 9 years since my ex and I first broke up!!
They don't know how to get over it....... but I have and just want them to move on like I have! I don't want them to keep talking about it every time we speak - it's annoying, not to mention rude.
Any ideas?Family cannot get over my divorce - strange?
oh wow, I know exactly how that feels as I went through more or less the same thing at about the same time you did. If your family are deeply religious I'm afraid that there will always be at least a tiny part of them that will believe that your ex is your 'true' husband. Distateful as it may seem to you I think you may have to be a little bit 'rude' to get oyur point across. Have a word with them in private - explain that you are now a wife and mother and you don't want them talking about your ex in front of your child(ren). It's been almost a decade now and perhaps you can appeal to their religious convictions by explaining that you don't want your children asking you awkward questions about your past before you are ready to do so. They may point to the age of your daughter but just tell them you want them to get into the habit of not mentioning him before she is old enough to understand.Family cannot get over my divorce - strange?
Tell them to get over it or you will leave every time they mention him. He is your ex that you shared nothing but some memories and a last name. There is no children, therefore, no reason for him to be brought up. If they don't stop after a month, stop contact with them for a month to show them just how serious you are.
Yes, let them keep their views and carry on with your new life. You've moved on and so should they particularly if they never liked the other chap. Sadly they probably do not like your current relationship and this is their way of dealing with it
i really dont understand why are they behaving like that..infact they should be happy seeing u happily married...i guess u should avoid them and refuse to participate whenver they bring the topic of ur ex....may be they understand that u r not liking it...its been a long time...
Maybe what you could do evertime they mention him you could mention your hubby, duuno hope it helps!
don't talk to them unless your with your new bf ...if they bring up your ex...just leave. they'll get the message
You say you don't want to appear rude - I'd say that is what your family are being. How rude of them to keep referring to someone who broke your marriage through his abusinve behaviour. How rude of them to refer constantly to someone who has caused you to break with your religion. How rude of them not to acknowledge that you have found true companionship with another more suitable partner. The answer for you, I'm afraid, is for you to point out to your relatives how rude they are being.
Hi there,
i have the same story here!
Well the purpose of our lives is to be happy and what you need to understand is that your parents have lived their lives accordingly to the society at that time and now things have changed!
What you need to do is to convey the message that you are happy and that you are mature enough to move on in your life and make good decisions!!
We can't cry on spilt milk over and over again because now you have one baby, nearly two and you have a man who loves you!
I don't think that you are gonna go back to your ex after everything but if your parents are talking about him, just ignore and don't say anything because one time they will be tired about all of this!
Maybe they are being harassed by the ex families or relatives that's y they keep telling you but send them pictures of your kids and your new family and show them that you are happy!
As parents the only thing that matters to them is that they need to know that their children are happy!
As a christian , you should probably know that even if your parents forsake you , god will never do!Pray for them and be nice to them....
I know that they are gonna accept the reality that we live for ourselves and not for society as long as we know what we are doing!
i agree with u it is rude and as your family they should be supportive to you and not let something like religion get in the way, i don't understand when people can put religion before family its strange, but then religion is a strange thing, im not religious but i do believe in God, good on you for getting out of that relationship if it wasn't making you happy then mad the right choice regardless of what your family think, your parents should be proud of you that you have managed to move on with your life and not be controlled by a ';bible'; and created a beautiful child and there is another on the way, god luck in life hun i hope that they don't carry on with this x sh*t maybe you need to tell em how its making u feel take care, x
I was very religious (Christian) when I was married the first time, but very young and naive. My family are all very religious and nobody in our family has ever been divorced before. My mother has stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship with my dad due to religious convictions etc....
When I first announced that my ex-husband and I had separated, everyone was relieved and happy for me, as none of them had ever liked him.
But as things progressed and we eventually divorced, they started to feel uneasy about everything because they don't know how to cope with the issue of divorce.
I have since deconverted from religion, and have never been happier. I met the man of my dreams and have a wonderfully fulfilled life. We have a 15 month old daughter, and are now expecting our second.
The problem is that whenever I talk to my family or see them, my ex comes up in the conversation. I've moved on in such a wonderful direction and love my life. But it's like they just can't get over it or come to terms with it........ it's such a weird thing.
I don't want to be rude, but may have to start pretending like I don't know who they're talking about when they question me about things. They don't do it in an offensive way, but it is starting to feel offensive since it's been about 9 years since my ex and I first broke up!!
They don't know how to get over it....... but I have and just want them to move on like I have! I don't want them to keep talking about it every time we speak - it's annoying, not to mention rude.
Any ideas?Family cannot get over my divorce - strange?
oh wow, I know exactly how that feels as I went through more or less the same thing at about the same time you did. If your family are deeply religious I'm afraid that there will always be at least a tiny part of them that will believe that your ex is your 'true' husband. Distateful as it may seem to you I think you may have to be a little bit 'rude' to get oyur point across. Have a word with them in private - explain that you are now a wife and mother and you don't want them talking about your ex in front of your child(ren). It's been almost a decade now and perhaps you can appeal to their religious convictions by explaining that you don't want your children asking you awkward questions about your past before you are ready to do so. They may point to the age of your daughter but just tell them you want them to get into the habit of not mentioning him before she is old enough to understand.Family cannot get over my divorce - strange?
Tell them to get over it or you will leave every time they mention him. He is your ex that you shared nothing but some memories and a last name. There is no children, therefore, no reason for him to be brought up. If they don't stop after a month, stop contact with them for a month to show them just how serious you are.
Yes, let them keep their views and carry on with your new life. You've moved on and so should they particularly if they never liked the other chap. Sadly they probably do not like your current relationship and this is their way of dealing with it
i really dont understand why are they behaving like that..infact they should be happy seeing u happily married...i guess u should avoid them and refuse to participate whenver they bring the topic of ur ex....may be they understand that u r not liking it...its been a long time...
Maybe what you could do evertime they mention him you could mention your hubby, duuno hope it helps!
don't talk to them unless your with your new bf ...if they bring up your ex...just leave. they'll get the message
You say you don't want to appear rude - I'd say that is what your family are being. How rude of them to keep referring to someone who broke your marriage through his abusinve behaviour. How rude of them to refer constantly to someone who has caused you to break with your religion. How rude of them not to acknowledge that you have found true companionship with another more suitable partner. The answer for you, I'm afraid, is for you to point out to your relatives how rude they are being.
Hi there,
i have the same story here!
Well the purpose of our lives is to be happy and what you need to understand is that your parents have lived their lives accordingly to the society at that time and now things have changed!
What you need to do is to convey the message that you are happy and that you are mature enough to move on in your life and make good decisions!!
We can't cry on spilt milk over and over again because now you have one baby, nearly two and you have a man who loves you!
I don't think that you are gonna go back to your ex after everything but if your parents are talking about him, just ignore and don't say anything because one time they will be tired about all of this!
Maybe they are being harassed by the ex families or relatives that's y they keep telling you but send them pictures of your kids and your new family and show them that you are happy!
As parents the only thing that matters to them is that they need to know that their children are happy!
As a christian , you should probably know that even if your parents forsake you , god will never do!Pray for them and be nice to them....
I know that they are gonna accept the reality that we live for ourselves and not for society as long as we know what we are doing!
i agree with u it is rude and as your family they should be supportive to you and not let something like religion get in the way, i don't understand when people can put religion before family its strange, but then religion is a strange thing, im not religious but i do believe in God, good on you for getting out of that relationship if it wasn't making you happy then mad the right choice regardless of what your family think, your parents should be proud of you that you have managed to move on with your life and not be controlled by a ';bible'; and created a beautiful child and there is another on the way, god luck in life hun i hope that they don't carry on with this x sh*t maybe you need to tell em how its making u feel take care, x
How do you comfort a person who is thinking about divorce?
How do I, as a teen, comfort my boyfriend's mother and help her cope with her decision to get a divorce?
I mean, I've hugged her and let her know that if she needs anything she can call. But, I don't know if that's enough...
Any ideas?How do you comfort a person who is thinking about divorce?
it is very nice of you to do what you are doing. Ive heard divorce takes a toll on you ONLY if you let it. I have read a book called THE SECRET, it's a great book that teaches you how to be confident and think positive, they also have a DVD. That would help her a whole lot.How do you comfort a person who is thinking about divorce?
Just be there for her even if thats just helping her around the house, or if you have a license running errands for her etc. She may want to talk to someone her age or someone who has more experience with the subject. She may also not want to lay it on your because she doesn't want her son to be in the middle of it. Just don't add to her stress.
You have done all you can do. You can't force her to talk to you but letting her know you are there for her is good enough. Be careful not to take any sides in this situation and just be a sounding board and devil's advocate at the most. Taking sides can cause you some trouble in this. Good Luck!
Since I've been through it twice, I can tell you that she will appreciate having support and just knowing that someone is there for her. Sometimes we need someone to just listen (and not say anything), and sometimes we just need our space to clear our heads!
You're a sweet girl--keep up the support for her!
Your doing the best you can for her.I imagine she has friends %26amp; relatives that will also comfort her, she'll be able to share things with them that may be inapropriate for her to share with you.
Just be there to listen - Not necessarily to add your opinion. Sometimes it's nice just to have someone to talk to besides yourself.
Sorry to say this but you can't. You can just hug her and listen, but unfortunatly you are still young!!
Remind her of how much fun she can have now she is free and single and she can start doing what she wants to do in life again!
all u really can do is be a friend and be there for her if she ever needs someone to talk to, which she will cause divorce isn't ever easy and very emotional so basically just be there for support
You can't do much else.
Try doing things for her like make her dinner or clean her bathroom...every thing helps.
You cant do anything more than that hugging... divorce is a bad experience I guess....
I mean, I've hugged her and let her know that if she needs anything she can call. But, I don't know if that's enough...
Any ideas?How do you comfort a person who is thinking about divorce?
it is very nice of you to do what you are doing. Ive heard divorce takes a toll on you ONLY if you let it. I have read a book called THE SECRET, it's a great book that teaches you how to be confident and think positive, they also have a DVD. That would help her a whole lot.How do you comfort a person who is thinking about divorce?
Just be there for her even if thats just helping her around the house, or if you have a license running errands for her etc. She may want to talk to someone her age or someone who has more experience with the subject. She may also not want to lay it on your because she doesn't want her son to be in the middle of it. Just don't add to her stress.
You have done all you can do. You can't force her to talk to you but letting her know you are there for her is good enough. Be careful not to take any sides in this situation and just be a sounding board and devil's advocate at the most. Taking sides can cause you some trouble in this. Good Luck!
Since I've been through it twice, I can tell you that she will appreciate having support and just knowing that someone is there for her. Sometimes we need someone to just listen (and not say anything), and sometimes we just need our space to clear our heads!
You're a sweet girl--keep up the support for her!
Your doing the best you can for her.I imagine she has friends %26amp; relatives that will also comfort her, she'll be able to share things with them that may be inapropriate for her to share with you.
Just be there to listen - Not necessarily to add your opinion. Sometimes it's nice just to have someone to talk to besides yourself.
Sorry to say this but you can't. You can just hug her and listen, but unfortunatly you are still young!!
Remind her of how much fun she can have now she is free and single and she can start doing what she wants to do in life again!
all u really can do is be a friend and be there for her if she ever needs someone to talk to, which she will cause divorce isn't ever easy and very emotional so basically just be there for support
You can't do much else.
Try doing things for her like make her dinner or clean her bathroom...every thing helps.
You cant do anything more than that hugging... divorce is a bad experience I guess....
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