For those with children who have gone through separation/divorce...how did they cope?

I had the talk with my kids last night and two of them (9,7 yrs) cried for a little while (30 minutes). My 5 yr old could care less and just said she wants to live with me. They were happy that he was not home tonight...so they would not get yelled at - per my 7yr old. They are not the least bit upset...is this the calm before the storm? If so, did you take them to counseling? How did you help them through it?For those with children who have gone through separation/divorce...how did they cope?
I am going through the samething right now with my child who is 12. My wife and I are separated, I have taken upon myself to get my child involved in chruch for myself and my daughter, just find things to keep them busy and yourself. Just letting you them every day that you love them till their sick of hearing it. Your kids will be okay, just keep yourself strong, just focus on yourself and your children. If you need to talk feel free to email.For those with children who have gone through separation/divorce...how did they cope?
I helped her through it by letting her have full access to her father, permission to love him, never spoke badly about him ever. Elementary schools have group and one on one therapy now for children of divorce. My daughter goes to this...she wishes that her father and I had never divorced, however she is happy with her life and very well adjusted. We have 50/50 custody. One week with her father and one week with me. This was very hard for me to do, however I realize the importance of having two parents involved in my child's life. He does things differently at his house than I do at mine...after all he is a guy....I don't interfere though. The way our divorce has worked out is a God send. I wish you luck...you guys will be just fine.
My son was 7 when I asked my husband to leave. He didn't seem at all concerned at first. I guess because his dad was not around very much anyway. However, a week or so later he did cry and say that he wished we would get back together. His teachers at school noticed that he was talking a lot in class. But he got excellent grades and continued to all through school, including college. He was one of the valedictorians of his senior class and is now an executive in an international company. He has a wife and two sons. I am very proud of him.
Sounds like you did not get divorced fast enough. If your kids are happy he did not come home so they would not get yelled at, I think they have been waiting on you to make a move. They probably think you need counseling....I think in this situation you need to watch their behavior and grades. You guys might need family counseling if you guys were mentally abused.
Are you sure you need to separate/divorce?





Counseling possible?





If you are not under threat of personal harm or being harmed (or the kids), think hard about it.





Putting kids through this is heart-breaking, believe me. Even if you feel like you are not the one at fault, if you are like me, you will always feel guilty that your child/ren have this difficulty.
My kids were about the same age when I separated from my husband. They were fine at first but once the reality of the separation set in there were some problems to the point we did have to take them to counselling to work through it. Even 7 years later the odd time they mention ';what if you and dad had stayed together';....I still have moments of guilt and regret but I know they are better off with us being apart.
doesn't surprise me in the slightest. each kid, at each phase will accept and react to it all differently. sounds like they are a bit relieved though. but that's probably just a phase at first. i'm not going to kid you, there will be rough days here and there. just remain objective and listen. do NOT say anything about their dad outside of when he will see them (that is if he's going to be visiting). they will probably have some withdrawal periods. if you have boys they may begin to behave as though they are sick. changes in their eating and sleeping behaviors may occur. if you are comfortable with it, let them sleep with you every once in a while. it'll help them feel secure, loved, and comforted in a confusing/frustrating time. due to your kids' age i don't really forsee any counseling being necessary right away, but do present it as an option, telling them that there is someone they can talk to that has nothing to do with anything going on. also with boys, might be helpful to get them to do something physical on a regular basis, such as playing sports, instruments, writing, drawing, etc. those things will not only keep them busy, it expends their energy in an expressive manner. they can release their anger through their bodies in a way that is not harming others.





most of all just tell them you are there for them, that they can say anything to you, just be objective when you are listening. be especially objective whenever they have spent time with their dad, in times like these parents often backlash the other, and your kids will probably hear things and repeat them to you. the most important thing to remember is, they are children, NOT adults. they only need to know information that pertains to their well being, like school activities, going to the dentist, when they are going to see grandma, etc. they do not need to know about your stresses, finances, if and how you are coping, what daddy said to you that really burned you up, etc. you will need another adult to talk to, vent to, etc. it's best if that person is a counselor or someone who is solely your friend (not a family member or mutual friend).





good luck, unfortunately this is something that will last a lifetime. but you and your kids will get through it. stay positive, objective, and let them be kids, they have plenty of time to be adults later.
Well good luck. I divorced my ex-husband four years ago cause he was addicted to online porn big time and to going to strip clubs,etc. I decided my kids shouldn't have to grow up in that environment with porn everywhere and so I left feeling pretty good about my decision.





Now four years later, he is engaged to a woman who I don't like at all. I tried everyway in the world to be her friend and she lies all the time. About everything from being the author of children's books (which she isn't) to what my kids are doing on the weekends. I have no control over what they do with the kids and that is scary at times.





Make sure if you do get divorced that you have some sort of legal document saying that the kids won't be exposed to people ';shacking';up or to unsafe situations like pics of them on the internet.





I think at this point it would have been better for me to have stayed married, gone to counseling or something to get the porn out of the house, never had sex with my ex again and just stay married for the kids cause this deal about trusting him with the kids isn't working.





You have to consider will you be okay with your kids being in situations you might not want them in and yet having absolutely no say about it?? At least when I was married I could make sure my ex wasn't watching sexually explicit things on tv while the kids were awake. Now I have no control and they watch pretty much whatever they want with the kids there.





Stay married; Live separately; at least you'll have more control over your kids lives. When they are 18 years old, then file for divorce.





I'm telling ya, it isn't all easy after divorce. It's still just as hard, you just have less control.
i am a child of the divorce. I am 15. My father is an alcoholic. We tried to help him, but he justs ignores us, keeps on drinking, ends up in the hospital, thinks nothing is wrong, and repeats this thin over and over. And i think he thinks we don't know! After all iv'e been through, after all the broken chairs, the broken body part, and broken hearts, i just want peace and to forget this nightmare. Did you go through something similar?