Dealing with boyfriend's divorce - how do i cope with these feelings?

I have been with my bf a while, i knew he was married, but separated when we got together. I knew he was going to file for divorce, and I was ok with that. He moved back into his martial home and she moved out. He asked me to move in so i did. It was quite surreal as although he had tried to remove all traces of her for my benefit, he had missed the odd thing here and there, but i tried to blank it from my mind. However, as things are nearing the end - he has sorted all financial stuff out b4 he files for divorce, and he assures me that is the next step - I have found myself becoming extremely upset. I found out she had been emailing him begging him to come back, and they can try again, and how stupid she had been for leaving him and even tried to book a holiday for them both to reconcile. He didnt tell me about any of this, he just says she emails him about the cat - which now seems to be a custody child! I confronted him and he said he was trying to protect me and he tried to stay amicable yet firm for the sake of divorce. Yet she left him some wedding pics the other week to remind him of the ';good times';.


I am getting increasingly frustrated that he wont tell her about me, he says to keep things smooth over divorce. But she is still playing emotional games and doesnt appear to be listening to his supposedly firm approach. They keep in contact over the cat, over email but i always now think there is far more said in these emails than he lets on. Am i wrong for wanting her to know about me?! Is it wrong that I just want her out of our lives so we can all move on? the process just seems to be taking forever and i just cant seem to let go of it all - he seems more laid back about it than I do. I just feel so irritated by her, and his nice and lovely approach to her...i just want him to take more of a stand as I feel dismissed and like he just doesnt want to hurt her feelings, yet hurting mine in the process. I have told him all of this and to be fair, he does try to reassure me. But i just cant let it go - i feel she is like a 3rd person and a constant threat. what do i do? xDealing with boyfriend's divorce - how do i cope with these feelings?
Ahh!!! As I said in another one of these yesterday...





I am sick and tired of all the tramps and whores running around on here...





Let me set something straight:





';Separated'; is NOT ';Getting Divorced';


';Getting Divorced'; is NOT ';Divorced';





SOO... If he was ';Separated'; then he wasn't even ';Getting Divorced'; and until he is ';Divorced'; he is STILL MARRIED!!!





ANY relationship until the final divorce decree is signed by the court is an AFFAIR!!! He is and has been CHEATING on his WIFE with YOU!!!





YOU are the OTHER WOMAN!!! YOU are the 3RD PERSON in THEIR MARRIAGE!!!





HE and HIS WIFE are STILL MARRIED and can RECONCILE and REMAIN MARRIED at any point in the proceedings!!!





Legal Separations are for a couple to take time apart before trying to reconcile their differences... Divorce is not filed until they have decided they cannot reconcile these differences, but they remained married and it is not unheard of for a couple to discontinue the divorce proceedings and remain married.





Close you legs, and go find a man who is NOT MARRIED!!!Dealing with boyfriend's divorce - how do i cope with these feelings?
i may tell u from my experience - when i met my current husband he was still married but separated - if he told her at once he wanted divorce she would never ever let him slip out from her hands. so first he said he wanted to sort things out and move out for a while. then he met me. then he informed her that he ain't coming back. and she tried to call, to write emails, asked daughters to influence him and the last thing she did made an appointment for BOTH of them to her shrink to get advices how to work on the marriage. and he went there. i don't know the reason why would he go but he did. i didn't say anything. that was when he told her he already had another woman and i don't even know whether he told her he was living with me. so anyway, she asked him not to file for divorce for a while because of her spoiled brat's graduation party, i really didn't understand why but i didn't say anything. anyway, he filed at last and it took 1 year for getting final official papers about divorce. so divorcing takes time and if his gf finds out about u she might not agree to sign the papers. in that case u must wait half a year to one year longer. if u trust him and love him wait. if u don't trust him - why even bother with him. i told my man i didn't even need him to divorce - i do not give a f'''k about marital status. we have been married for 5 years now. his ex still tries to contact him sometimes. once she called at 1 at night and scared me to death - i thought smth bad happened to his kids. but he just didnt' answer the phone.








and just must add to those stupid women who say they wouldn't even date a divorced man right after the divorce - good men go fast. mine for instance is absolutely, totally perfect. i had been married before, dated for a while after i had never ever met anything even remotely called perfect. and i still can't comprehend how did his old ex let him slip out of her grip - loaded with money, paying for everything. now she lives in apartment after they sold 6 rooms two stores house
Here's the thing: You got involved with a MARRIED man. YOU were the 3rd person in the relationship. This guy not only cheated on his WIFE with YOU, NOW you want sympathy because you think he's cheating on YOU with his wife. You will NEVER be able to ';move on'; because this guy is a horn dog who wants to have it all his way.


If you stay involved with this guy, you deserve all the heartache. You can't ';smooth over'; a divorce -- but I guess you won't realize this until you get one of your own (or more).





By the way, until and unless you've actually SEEN the divorce papers, there is no divorce. I wouldn't believe this guy has actually FILED for divorce myself. You're being lied to and used and you're too naive to see it.
Girl you basically fell for the old okie doke. He pulled the wool over your eyes to the point that you don't even see that this is his fault not the wifes. She has a right to fight for her God given husband. He has a right to fight for his God given wife.Just because he lets you move in and lets you play house does not remove the fact that he legally and spiritually belongs to another woman. She can come and put you out today if she wants too because thats her property also. He is lying when he says he does not want her to know about you so that the divorce will be smooth. HAAAAAAAAAAA....He does not want her to know about you because she will drop him like a hot potato and he does not want her out of his life. He is a big fat liar playing two sides. He gets to use you sexually and emotionally until his wife lets him know exactly what she wants. In the end you short changed yourself. Never let another womans husband turn you into there bed buddy. Start saving now because you need to move on.
Well honey, until he cuts that tie with her, she will continue to be a presence in his and now your, life. My advice is this, you move back out into your own place, tell him you'd like to put things on hold until the divorce is actually in the works. Because anything short of that is just going to torment you more. He has to finish what he started with her before he can truly move on with your relationship and it sounds like he's taking his sweet time.





I am in a similar situation, my bf was married and in the process of a divorce when I met him, but he was always very open about their communication and she knew about me from the start of our relationship. They communicate sparingly, mainly about the divorce which is almost final, and he always reports to me when they do. It sounds like he is hiding you from her and that is NOT good news.





Until he's ready to tell EVERYONE, including her, especially her, about you two, then I would steer clear of him.
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I was in a similar predicament HOWEVER, they were already divorced. He moved me in and he tried to remove all of her things and let me re-decorate without a blink. I removed the things that he 'forgot'. She called and texted and emailed about 20 times a day. But she knew about me. AND he told me everything. I knew she was calling to talk to him (she NEVER once asked to talk to her children), I knew she was trying to get back to him, I knew she was sending him text pictures to 'remind' him of the good times. I knew she was begging him to get back with her, to do her brakes, to let her HAVE his 'extra' car - and she just kept saying 'you won't do that for me' about everything. She planted women's clothes, jewelry etc to try to get me not to trust him. She would come over screaming her head off every time she picked up the kids. She'd walk into my house and IGNORE me like I didn't exist.





What I am trying to say is - they don't even have kids and it's this bad - if he's not being completely honest with you AND with her about you, there are all kinds of red flags going on.





He can give up the damn cat to her and stop contact and he can tell her about you. He's not telling her about you and you live there???





I would tell him you would like to see the papers from the attorney and you would like him to notify her that he has a girlfriend or you need to seriously think about moving out. I am so sorry but it sounds like he's not quite ready for that divorce. Good luck.
You are the 3rd person...he is a married man. Its quite obvious he still wants her too or there wouldnt really be any contact between them. The cat is just an excuse. Wake up get out of that relationshit before you get even more hurt. See what getting involved with married men will get you. Cant you see your just someone to fill a need until they reconcile. Sorry but its the truth dont subject urself to that kind of disrespect and if they were together when you got with him then shame on you.
If you feel he's not being honest with you about everything, tell him.


No there is nothing wrong with you feeling upset that he's keeping things from you AND he hasn't told her about you. WTH is that? If you are living in the home they lived in together, of course she should at least know about you, of out respect for both you AND her.


If you are getting bad vibes, maybe you should separate from him for awhile til he sorts everything out and go from there.


Good luck.
This is why you don't date a married man. I wouldn't even date a man who just got divorced. A newly divorced man isn't looking for anything serious. You, my dear, are the rebound. Move out and let him figure his own crap out without you . Have some respect for yourself.